rank is just something u wear on ur sleeve or shoulder.

It is authority that counts; authority that stems from capability, accountability, responsibility.

Dedicated to fellow NSFs out there, do not be afraid to stand up and speak out when you feel something is wrong or can be done in a better way, even if it means to point out your superior's mistake. He/she is only your superior as the Lord has charged him/her with higher responsibilities. But if he/she cannot discharge it to the best of ability, he/she answers to the Lord just like you and me. Where else do the powers of Men come from if not from the Lord himself?

Some people may be trained to be your superiors. But training is one thing, and actual on-the-ground capability is another diff story. I totally respect Officers who can think & act on the ground as much as they can plan and discuss from their swivel seats and air-con offices.

But as for those who commission smartly as officers in No.1 but thats the last time you see them hold themselves steady, thats a sad little story. There are those who will shake and tremble during crunch time. Whose balls will be in their throats when they have to make millisecond decisions. Not everyone can think on their feet, some are better off condemned to their swivel chairs and air-con offices, contained within a cubicle, churning our reports, emails, powerpoints. At least you can't really hate them that way, even better if you don't hear from them.

Do not be afraid to do the right thing, say the right thing. For if you remain silent amidst the unjust, illogical environment and let the vicious cycle carry on to your understudies, you are doing a whole generation injustice, and you are just another hapless tool, helpless pawn of the Organisation. You are just as blind to reality as the System.

But of course not every section of the Organisation actually allows or encourages free speech. Be prudent and watch your steps. Do whatever you can in the capacity that allows. Even a little bit counts toward alot eventually. One less signature needed, one less form to be filled, one less level of bureaucracy, will eventually do alot for generations to come. Do not think little of yourself, as no one but yourself may put you down, and every man & woman is made equal in the eyes of the Lord.

It must be hard up there, having to supervise and oversee so much and plan so much. But when you have little of an inkling what really happens on the ground, ithink you've lost the plot. Then it's about high-time some self-evaluation needs to be done. It must be tough i guess, once you go wrong and ur plans go a little awry, you have to put up with so many tiny voices speaking behind you, so many disliking you.

Yeah it must be tough to be an Officer, cos perhaps there is just so much expected of you in so many farcical ways. Give me any day, i would still choose to be a Specialist and take real pride in all my work.

Salute the rank, respect the Man.

The Ugly Singaporean...On the Bus

I've always wanted to write about this. I guess if i really swipe out a notepad and jot down evry nuance of these ugly Singaporean psyches everytime i see one, i would really have a long list.

Unfortunately, i do not really have the habit of carrying a notepad around, and usually it takes some time for me to internalise it, then only when it happens to me In-The-Face a few more times would i really be incensed enough to bear a grudge or even write about it.

Ok back to the story, i just wanna make the point that the Ugly Singaporean is everywhere to be seen, no matter where you look, no matter where you hide. Yes i believe it exists in almost evryone of us, including myself, i ain't really that kinda self-righteous prick.

I guess i will just note down a few facets of the Ugly Singaporean from time to time, perhaps then when i look back at these entries of mine, i can also remind myself never to commit those crimes again.

On a quiet day on the way back home after a hard day's work, you fail to get a seat on the bus, but that's ok. Somehow i have taken a preference to standing on bus trips. I get to observe more stuff, noting how people bahave in a typical social environment. In Singapore, it's almost like the famous Elevator Syndrome takes on a whole new dimensionin Singapore. The claustrophobic and I-only-want-to-be-so-close-to-you-for-the-trip atmosphere seems extended to the whole bus in Singapore. Everyone behaves like a stranger to each other on the bus.

It's almost as if it would be more interesting to figure out the lousy english some numbskulls used to carve love declarations on the back of the backseats, or just jacking in to your Ipod, mobile, fiddling with ur hp and pretending to sms, almost as if all these were more enriching and interesting than to give a simple smile to an oft-seen neighbour (and by neighbour i mean someone who lives in the neighbourhood, not just in ur same HDB block). Hell, almost everyone's a stranger on the bus unless the person beside you is ur partner whom you're trying to do hanky with at the back of the bus.

Then there's the act-deaf, act-blind attitude that some bus commuters have.Bendy buses are good inventions, but it somehow doesn't really matter in Singapore. Not because there are just too many people packed on this island, but because some of us have this devil-may-care attitude; how many times have you witnessed people playing dumb when the bus driver is already hollering at people to move to the rear of the bus in all national languages! Some people just pretend not to be able to see the space behind, continue hanging around near the door and chat with their frenz, if alone pretend to sms or make a call. Some of these people are either really deaf/blind or just being singaporean.

Some just want to be the first to get down and so stick to the door for dear life. I wonder if the authorities should come up with a concession fare for this minority since they give up their seats so willingly. Oh no i'm wrong, there is this group of people within this minority that is even more power....they nestle in strategic seats close to the door the whole journey, then when it gets to a popular stop where they expect almost the whole bus will alight, they get up and squirm their way all the way to the door just so as to be the first to alight. Some are so kanjiong they get up from their treasured seats one stop earlier. No dunt be mistaken that they have heeded the public campaign to alight one stop earlier and walk the rest of the journey to keep fit. SIngaporeans will have none of that shit and most will claim the obesity situation isn't as bad as compared to Western countries(erm, you mean sunny Singapore is not Western? hmm...) No way hosey, these people (mostly aunties, i note) actually strategically plan their seats to be near the door, spring up a stop earlier and gives the next seat-conqueror a real dirt look, just to make sure they are the first to alight.

I am darned sure all this planning could be put to better use by Singaporeans in other areas. I mean look at how some of us chope seats at hawker centers and food courts and you will understand our quick thinking, reflexes, innovativity and ingenuity.

Sometimes i note with disgust how some aunties try to beat the system by flashing their ez-link like 4 stops ahead of their stop, just to save those few cents, then justify to the driver that GST and bus ticket prices have gone up, even throw in arguments like the air-con was hot or that she(ok by now u shld realise my main issue is with aunties) didnt get a seat so she could pay less. Well the system has caught up by adjusting the reader to only read cards during stops at bus stops, but it isnt foolproof, especially given this calibre of Singaporean aunties. I really ain't surprised that the authorities are taking a serious look at fare-cheating cases.

Imean i really think we should be more than thankful for such a world-class inter-linked transport system that many other countries are envious of. We really shouldn't abuse it and try to cheat the system. I know sometimes we all have the craving to break a law or two and escape being found. But sometimes these culprits with baskets of veg in hand are obviously exploiting the system left,right,center and intend to do so for the rest of their lives . They are either trying to bankrupt the bus company or their conscience.

To all these kanjiong spider aunties, i only have one thing to say to them. In a very Army lingo, we should just give each of these aunites a spider. Apologise to those who dunt und the saying, but i must refrain from expletives lest i face an angry horde of aunties on my next bus trip.

To those of my frenz out there who actually read my blog for another dose of my warped take on everyday events or just for the latest update of my life, i must apologise if my last entry sounded rude or totally out of character.

Well, the last entry wasn't meant for you dear frenz out there but for some prankster youths who have invaded my blog for unsavoury reasons.

But nvm, for those who were actually concerned enough to call (actually only Weeseng!), i thank you for your concern. For those who are just as eager to find out wassup with me, i shall try to explain briefly.

Well you see, for those who know me, you will understand that i still volunteer my services almost weekly for a Movement that i have great passion for, at least for the past ten years. However, in the course of my work, my way of doing things & some of the mistakes i have made along the way have provoked some angsty youth who seem to think that all the problems they faced at their CCA stemmed from me ONLY.

So they have launched a long-lasting hate campaign against me, which has recently culminated in prank phone calls & the unwanted invasion into my blog.

But it's ok, i may not seem a very religious person, but in times of need i always turn to the Lord for advice and help. And there is this one line in the Bible that particularly appeals to me now "Forgive them Father, for they know not what they do". And that is one of the main reason why i am swallowing my pride and letting them hurl whatever they have at me.

I only hope that with the coming of age, they will one day understand my difficult position and why i had to do things in a certain manner in lieu of the fact that i was charged with the development, enrichment & discipline of 30 odd youths at any one time. Hopefully they can one day look back at this angst part of their lives and laugh it off, tpuzzled why they were such angry youths at that time.

I wnet through a similar patch, hating my CCA leaders, some of my peers, some of my teachers, classmates, even my family. But those angsty days are over. I was a hot-blooded teenager then who struggled to grasp with the realities of life and the pressure of the education system. But i have matured over the years and i thank God that i have the chance to return to my beloved secondary school and make amends to former schoolmates, teachers, and even a system that ultimately guaranteed my good future. I hope everyone gets a chance like me to make amends in life. It is hard i know, and i am very blessed to be able to do so, i know.

So yeah friend, if you're worried bout me, dunt worry, the issue has largely been compartmentalised and put away. I have consulted a few of my closest friends on this matter and have already decided on the best course of action; Forgive and Forget, unless the situation worsens.

I'm alright, just slowly walking on and recovering from another painful lesson in life from which i shall seek to grow and mature.

To all those out there who seem to have a grudge with me and find some kind of pleasure in harassing me and invading my privacy, i am sorry to tell you that i am a much stronger character than perhaps all of you combined.

It is my duty also to inform you that if you continue your personal attacks and firebranding online or through any other form of media, in a way that may prove defamatory or threatening to me as an individual, i may be left with no choice but to take serious action.

It will definitely be the last of my choices to have to resort to serious action, but i reserve that course of action, so be warned.

I hope you do think seriously about your future before you continue your acts of folly online that will not bring about a resolution favourable to you. Even if you do not care much about your future, do spare a thought for your parents, your family and your teachers who have so much hope in you and your future.

I hope to keep this internal and once again advise you to resolve your personal unhappiness through more constructive and civilised ways that call for more than prank calls, online rantings and invasion of privacy. I am sure 12 years of high-quality education has taught you more constructive ways of resolving dispute than the ones stated above.

I may have made mistakes and am sorry for them. I hope you have a chance to realise them like i do and be able to do something constructive and personal about it rather than to just spiral down the path of self-destruction like you are now.

I have spoken, and so be warned.

The recipe for a relationship's success is that the two hearts that come together must already be complete by themselves. -Anonymous

Freaky island

Things are really made worse by the FACT that

PRESIDENTIAL SWEARING-IN is shown at the same time as
finals for PROJECT SUPERSTAR

There's like this tiny crowd of supa eleeite creme de la creme peeps gathered to witness the sombre swearing-in, dressed in their Istana-best and officers in smart No.1 Uniforms

as compared to swelling masses gathered at S'pore Indoor Stadium to support the aspiring Superstars, some half-naked to show support, some as mummies, others in primary colours to show support a la NDP.

My gosh, talk about Juxtaposition and contrast.

But i notice the swearing-in doesn't have the LIVE icon, so maybe it isn't. Maybe the eleeite wanna have their dose of Superstar fever also, hmm...notice this is one of the few large-scale 'national' performance event that doesn't have a minister or two to grace the event.

The only reason i hope the kelvin doesn't win is because i know if he does, almost the whole of singapore will bitch about it tonite, tml morning at work, and for weeks and months after, saying he won out of sympathy. typical singaporeans man....and i fear the Singapore Association for the Blind may get vandalised...

man...lianhe wanbao and lianhe zaobao are gonna have a heyday if Kelvin wins...and since EPL hasn't really heated up yet, i guess alot of money are gonna change hands tonite.....

Facets of Singapore

A weird nation where there are many more finalists, much more buzz, supporters, media coverage, scandals for Kelly and Kelvin(2 aspiring superstars), than the election of the President of the Republic of Singapore.

*shudder*

As i sat in my easy chair and switched channels whenever the irritating taufik/Rui-en NDP crap cohesion dance MTV came on, i noticed with interest how little state flags were being draped outside my windows.

at first i thought it were some playful kids who actually quit the computer and consoles to come out and play along the HDB corridors and void decks like i did when i had a childhood

only when i took a look outside did i realise they were put up by some banglas(presumably employed by the CC)

so all these long strings of cute multi-colored triangular state flags with the lion-head crest, all strung up in neat angles and making the HDB blocks look so nice are put up by bangla instead of SIngaporeans (less to say nationalistic ones)

i must also add that i see only one normal-sized white-red state flag outside a window from my block. that shows alot for national fervour i guess.

my whole family was just wondering why the cute flags came to our block this year, after a grand two decades since the block was constructed and we moved in. this is really our first time to recieve the honour of cute lil' triangular flags put up by banglas.

my first guess was its because my block, togeta with 3 other adjacent blocks were the last group convinced by HDB to pay for lifts on every floor. my block being closest to the main road, got the honourable reward for succumbing to the Board's marvellous initiative of providing lifts on every floor.

then i realised the model block that usually gets the flag treatment has gaping holes on every floor as part of the Lift Upgrading Program (they were the first to get them, no wonder model block), so maybe not too nice to drape those traingles over the gaping holes. logical.

so it boiled down to the fact that my block was the only rational choice. good planning on the authorities' part. but it's sad to know how much meticulous and practical planning took place in order for my block to finaly be crowned by those cute lil' things

its also sad to know that national fervour is limited to media-hyped celebrations at Padang and crappy MTVs on the telly, that we dunt put up flags anymore but the job is left up to banglas who probably laugh in their hearts at how their putting up the flags deprecate the value of having them hung up on block facades. what imean is they prob know we should be the ones proudly adorning our block.

its even sadder to know that kids dunt play catching/ police and thief/marbles/hopscotch at void decks or corridors anymore. even playgrounds dunt have swings anymore, no sand for playing and cat-dung to discover. all flooring heavily padded up, even more than the flattest girl's chest, just to protect them from injuries due to falls and such. i learnt about plasma when i had cuts and stuff..i wonder how kids today learn about them...

okie okei so much for all the media-hyped national fervour and the attempts to bring the celebration to the heartland. i hope the all banglas get a day off on national day, i always see them working even on public holidays, now i know part of the reason why. other reasons also include the third-world and post-riot mess singaporeans leave behind after evry major street party or national event. who cleans up? the banglas. even the press has quit sending in teams to capture the mess and chastise singaporeans. it's become part of our bad-traits culture.

if any member of the media is reading this, pls take the MTV off the air, or at least restrict broadcast till 2 days before Aug 9th. meanwhile i would rather have clips of hardworking banglas sweating it out puting up flags or a 30 minute clip on their contributon to our economyin the past 40 years.

Chained shackled
Mired tired

Heckled haggard
jagged laggard

Fallen foreign
Torrent torment

Sunken drunken
Darkened dungeon

I want to break free-Queen

I want to break free
I want to break free,
I want to break free from your lies,
you're so self satisfied, I don't need you
I've got to break free
God knows, god knows I want to break free

I've fallen in love
I've fallen in love for the first time,
and this time I know it's for real
I've fallen in love
God knows, god knows I've fallen in love

It's strange but it's true,
Yeah!
I can't get over the way you love me like you do
But I have to be sure, when I walk out that door
Oh, how I want to be free, baby
Oh, how I want to be free
Oh, how I want to break free

But life still goes on
I can't get used to living without,
living without, living without you, by my side
I don't want to live alone, hey
God knows, got to make it on my own
So baby can't you see?
I've got to break free

I've got to break free
I want to break free
I want, I want, I want, I want to break free

This song is just so beautiful...enthralling...listen to it

Depeche Mode- Somebody

I want somebody to share
share the rest of my life
share my innermost thoughts
know my intimate details
someone who'll stand by my side
and give me support
and in return
she'll get my support
she will listen to me
when I want to speak
about the world we live in
and life in general
though my views may be wrong
they may even be perverted
she'll hear me out
and won't easily be converted
to my way of thinking
in fact she'll often disagree
but at the end of it all
she will understand me

I want somebody who cares
for me passionately
with every thought
and with every breath
someone who'll help me see things
in a different light
all the things I detest
I will almost like
I don't want to be tied
to anyone's strings
I'm carefully trying to stay clear
out of those things
But when I'm asleep
I want somebody
who will put their arms around me
and kiss me tenderly
though things like this make me sick
in a case like this
I'll get away with it

Just two weeks ago i had a strongly-worded confrontation and de-conflict session with my work counterpart in NS. Worst thing is our boss caught us in the heated argument and i expected a tricky time trying to explain the occurence of the confrontation.

However, what really struck me was that our boss let us sort things out at our own time, then he asked one simple question: "So are you guys still friends?"

That question really struck me dumb as i completely didn't expect that to pop from his mouth. Taken at a surfacial and practical pov, i initially thought he was concerned whether we were friends as far as whether our work commitment to him would be affected. But i dismissed that notion almost as fast as it took root in my mind.

Then i was taken aback at such an unexpected and weird question. I thought he would immediately grill me for the rationale for such a 'misdemeanour' in the highest office in the unit.

But no, he was sincerely concerned whether we were still friends, regardless of the tangible, corporate culture of that de-conflict session. All these thoughts raced through my mind within milliseconds,as i snapped myself out of itand answered meekly " Yes Sir, we're still friends".

That answer seemed to satisfy him as he drained his glass and went about his usual work. But that set me thinking real deep. On an afterthought, i felt it was real nice that he asked us such a sincere question of concern. With that one simple question i was touched and also realised that my boss was subtly teaching me a life lesson.

He had shown me that what really mattered at the end of any arhument, was whether the involved parties could still be friends, amd walk out of the argument still friends. Credible results and whether the argument was resolved aside, he showed me that the real important thing that should persist from any argument, was the endearing frienship.

Perhaps i am seeing too much into that simple, single ambiguous question. But what i can meaningfully infer from his unexpectedly unobjective and personal question is that there is much more to life than it seems.

Just like what he says, "workload never ends", let's just try to have fun and enjoy our work in our remaining days in this office. I do treasure and respect the unique relationship forged amongst the 3 of us in this special office, whether professional or personal.

Somewhat i realise we take too much things for granted in life. Perhaps sometimes if we slow down a little in this rat race and take a good look at things and people around us that really matter, we will be able to find more meaning in the seemingly mundane everyday things that subtly teach us invaluable life lessons.

LADY IN RED - SIMPLY RED

I've never seen you looking so lovely as you do tonight
I've never seen you shine so bright
mmm-mmm-mmm

I've never seen so many men ask you if you wanted to dance
looking for a little romance
given half a chance
and I have never seen that dress you're wearing
or the highlights in your hair
they catch your eyes
I have been blinded

Lady in red
is dancing with me (cheek to cheek)
theres nobody here
its just you and me
its where I wanna be
and I hardly know this beauty by my side
I'll never forget the way you look tonight

I've never seen you looking so gorgeous as you did tonight
I've never seen you shine so bright
you were amazing

I've never seen so many people wanna be there by your side
and when you turn to me and smile
it took my breath away

I have never had such a feeling
such a feeling of complete and utter love
as I do tonight

Lady in red
is dancing with me cheek to cheek
theres nobody here
its just you and me
its where I wanna be
and I hardly know this beauty by my side
I'll never forget the way you look tonight
I never will forget the way you look tonight

Lady in red
Lady in red
Lady in red
my lady in red
I love you

Everytime I hear songs like “Time of your life” on the radio, it brings back very sweet and nice memories of JC days for me.

It was one of those songs that were choreographed into HCJC mass dances, thus college dances. So at every major school event like Mid Autumn Festival (MAF), these songs would be played and most of the crowd would gather for the college dances.

Though it was a little like campfire dancing, I was still very much restrained and shy at first. It was not until I was later strongly encouraged to learn the steps, have fun at the same time and just dance and soak in the atmosphere that I really enjoyed it.

Still clearly etched on my mind is one MAF occasion where I seriously did one of the college dances in full. I had never been a very good or natural dancer though I had performed thrice in public as a group. However, I came to enjoy that night when I took that leap of faith.

It seemed as though you had a thousand eyes trained on you, yet the crowd and the music drowned out my fears and anxieties. I figured there were so many people in the crowd I probably wouldn’t be noticed, even If I blundered all the way or stepped on my partner’s toes.

What really mattered to me was my partner’s patient coaching, understanding and willingness to share the dance with me. I was touched, in an inexplicable way. Slowly, gradually, all the people around didn’t seem so real anymore, didn’t really matter anymore. It was just me, my partner, the dance and our sincerity of heart.

A magical time it was, a dance to remember, a night to reminisce about.

I just finished chatting with my counterpart. It was a mighty fine chat really, and he initiated it, pleasantly surprising me. Well, it did help to stave off our rising boredom today, with nothing much going on and so much uncertainty.

Yes, pathetic as it may sound, our work capacity depends a lot on my boss’ decisions, schedules, meetings, etc. Well, we are his personal assistants, two moons around a planet, you cannot expect too much right?

And yeah back to the part about the talk, some interesting exchanges about life in general, regulars and NSF army life, the usual stuff. We are very different personalities and have lived very different lives. Our outlook towards NSF, life in general, people, relationships, quality of life, life goals all seem to differ quite a lot. It is amazing how we can still converse and learn from each other.

Well but I must tell you it takes a lot of strength, perseverance and patience to be able to conduct conversations like that. It’s like I enjoy it and am still amazed by how we can still communicate despite the many obvious differences in opinions about almost everything. Perhaps the only common grounds is that both of us are stuck with this queer job for quite some time and still have time to serve out in NS.

However interesting and enlightening, I feel tired after such a conversation. It leaves me a little more drained. Well I am partly to blame for I am quite a stubborn character and I have a very bad habit of wanting the other party to see my point and at least agree with me in-principle, everytime I say something. Yes I know that is an asshole bad character trait, I get real stubborn and hot-tempered sometimes. I listen less to the other person but more to my inner frustration at being unable to get the other party to agree with me.

Ok ok enough ranting and self-depreciation. I have somewhat checked that bad character trait to a certain extent and am still on the long struggle to overcoming it. What I really wanted to say guess, was that I’m quite tired. By what, I really am not sure. I just feel like having company, whether solo or with a group, out to somewhere nice and quiet at night. I have developed this love for the night, somehow, I dunno why. Just off to somewhere near the River, Boat Quay, Clarke Quay, Esplanade.

I just seem to have fallen in love with the night atmosphere by the river. Maybe just a little bar, a pool bar would be nice, serene, a few good-looking ladies, soothing jazz piped in, drinks, the sea, the breeze, the rustling of waves. Just relax, no real need to talk. But if there were small talk, anything would sound nice. I would really be in the mood for anything. I would be game. Totally relaxed, bring out the real me inside, beneath all that rebel-without-a-cause, rugged, expletive, impulsive skin that drapes around my frame.

I just want to be able to talk about my feelings, emotions or on any other things on my heart, from my heart. Just no-holds-barred, yet assured that the people around me will understand truly and naturally, or at least that they won’t feel offended. Just know when I’m talking cock, when I’m joking, when I’m trying hard to crack a joke, when I am just talking bored listlessly, when I am using my heart to talk, when I am listening with my ear, when I’m crying out loud inside, when I need a shoulder, when I need a soul-mate.

Company that know me, really know me. Dunt need to know the ghouls that haunt me inside which even I myself have much difficulty grasping, but just know. Just sit down beside me, a clink of glass, a blink of eye, an exchange of whispers, a cackle of giggles, a burst of laughter, a silent closure, an understanding of the heart.

I just simply love this speech...."I have a Dream"....you need to treat it like a speech, imagine the fiery orator, the chanting crowds, the sweltering heat of dissatisfaction in the 1960s, the tenous atmosphere, the explosive scene, the reaction of the crowds, my my..you should check out any audio clip of this speech..

Most inspiring

Delivered on the steps at the Lincoln Memorial in Washington D.C. on August 28, 1963. Source: Martin Luther King, Jr: The Peaceful Warrior, Pocket Books, NY 1968

Five score years ago, a great American, in whose symbolic shadow we stand signed the Emancipation Proclamation. This momentous decree came as a great beacon light of hope to millions of Negro slaves who had been seared in the flames of withering injustice. It came as a joyous daybreak to end the long night of captivity. But one hundred years later, we must face the tragic fact that the Negro is still not free.

One hundred years later, the life of the Negro is still sadly crippled by the manacles of segregation and the chains of discrimination. One hundred years later, the Negro lives on a lonely island of poverty in the midst of a vast ocean of material prosperity. One hundred years later, the Negro is still languishing in the corners of American society and finds himself an exile in his own land.

So we have come here today to dramatize an appalling condition. In a sense we have come to our nation's capital to cash a check. When the architects of our republic wrote the magnificent words of the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence, they were signing a promissory note to which every American was to fall heir.

This note was a promise that all men would be guaranteed the inalienable rights of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. It is obvious today that America has defaulted on this promissory note insofar as her citizens of color are concerned. Instead of honoring this sacred obligation, America has given the Negro people a bad check which has come back marked "insufficient funds." But we refuse to believe that the bank of justice is bankrupt. We refuse to believe that there are insufficient funds in the great vaults of opportunity of this nation.

So we have come to cash this check -- a check that will give us upon demand the riches of freedom and the security of justice. We have also come to this hallowed spot to remind America of the fierce urgency of now. This is no time to engage in the luxury of cooling off or to take the tranquilizing drug of gradualism. Now is the time to rise from the dark and desolate valley of segregation to the sunlit path of racial justice. Now is the time to open the doors of opportunity to all of God's children. Now is the time to lift our nation from the quicksands of racial injustice to the solid rock of brotherhood.

It would be fatal for the nation to overlook the urgency of the moment and to underestimate the determination of the Negro. This sweltering summer of the Negro's legitimate discontent will not pass until there is an invigorating autumn of freedom and equality. Nineteen sixty-three is not an end, but a beginning. Those who hope that the Negro needed to blow off steam and will now be content will have a rude awakening if the nation returns to business as usual. There will be neither rest nor tranquility in America until the Negro is granted his citizenship rights.

The whirlwinds of revolt will continue to shake the foundations of our nation until the bright day of justice emerges. But there is something that I must say to my people who stand on the warm threshold which leads into the palace of justice. In the process of gaining our rightful place we must not be guilty of wrongful deeds. Let us not seek to satisfy our thirst for freedom by drinking from the cup of bitterness and hatred.

We must forever conduct our struggle on the high plane of dignity and discipline. we must not allow our creative protest to degenerate into physical violence. Again and again we must rise to the majestic heights of meeting physical force with soul force.

The marvelous new militancy which has engulfed the Negro community must not lead us to distrust of all white people, for many of our white brothers, as evidenced by their presence here today, have come to realize that their destiny is tied up with our destiny and their freedom is inextricably bound to our freedom.

We cannot walk alone. And as we walk, we must make the pledge that we shall march ahead. We cannot turn back. There are those who are asking the devotees of civil rights, "When will you be satisfied?" we can never be satisfied as long as our bodies, heavy with the fatigue of travel, cannot gain lodging in the motels of the highways and the hotels of the cities. We cannot be satisfied as long as the Negro's basic mobility is from a smaller ghetto to a larger one. We can never be satisfied as long as a Negro in Mississippi cannot vote and a Negro in New York believes he has nothing for which to vote. No, no, we are not satisfied, and we will not be satisfied until justice rolls down like waters and righteousness like a mighty stream.

I am not unmindful that some of you have come here out of great trials and tribulations. Some of you have come fresh from narrow cells. Some of you have come from areas where your quest for freedom left you battered by the storms of persecution and staggered by the winds of police brutality. You have been the veterans of creative suffering. Continue to work with the faith that unearned suffering is redemptive.

Go back to Mississippi, go back to Alabama, go back to Georgia, go back to Louisiana, go back to the slums and ghettos of our northern cities, knowing that somehow this situation can and will be changed. Let us not wallow in the valley of despair. I say to you today, my friends, that in spite of the difficulties and frustrations of the moment, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream.

I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal." I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slaveowners will be able to sit down together at a table of brotherhood. I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a desert state, sweltering with the heat of injustice and oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice. I have a dream that my four children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character. I have a dream today.

I have a dream that one day the state of Alabama, whose governor's lips are presently dripping with the words of interposition and nullification, will be transformed into a situation where little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls and walk together as sisters and brothers. I have a dream today. I have a dream that one day every valley shall be exalted, every hill and mountain shall be made low, the rough places will be made plain, and the crooked places will be made straight, and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed, and all flesh shall see it together. This is our hope. This is the faith with which I return to the South. With this faith we will be able to hew out of the mountain of despair a stone of hope. With this faith we will be able to transform the jangling discords of our nation into a beautiful symphony of brotherhood. With this faith we will be able to work together, to pray together, to struggle together, to go to jail together, to stand up for freedom together, knowing that we will be free one day.

This will be the day when all of God's children will be able to sing with a new meaning, "My country, 'tis of thee, sweet land of liberty, of thee I sing. Land where my fathers died, land of the pilgrim's pride, from every mountainside, let freedom ring." And if America is to be a great nation, this must become true. So let freedom ring from the prodigious hilltops of New Hampshire. Let freedom ring from the mighty mountains of New York. Let freedom ring from the heightening Alleghenies of Pennsylvania! Let freedom ring from the snowcapped Rockies of Colorado! Let freedom ring from the curvaceous peaks of California! But not only that; let freedom ring from Stone Mountain of Georgia! Let freedom ring from Lookout Mountain of Tennessee! Let freedom ring from every hill and every molehill of Mississippi. From every mountainside, let freedom ring.

When we let freedom ring, when we let it ring from every village and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God's children, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual, "Free at last! free at last! thank God Almighty, we are free at last!"

I think

It's nice

When you can smile after you cry

When two friends can just swing all day long, needless for words

When two buddies just lay in the sun, soaking in the rolling sunshine,
listening to the rustling waves

When three can sit down for coffee, or roll into warm sheets before a
pillow-fight

When a group sits round, kindling a fire, rubbing their hands, faces with a
red-hued hint of warmth, an inner glow or the fire?

When two old friends stroll through a dim, familiar path, elbows kissing,
hand almost touching, an endless chatter, a walk through golden memory lane

When two lovers embrace tightly, as if for the last time, two become one

When two buddies acknowledge a silent apology, patch up and watch a movie
after arguing

When a group lays down in open nature, urban rats bedazzled by the
overwhelming stars on the opaque canvas, talk about life amidst the flame's
crackle

I think

It's nice

Confessions

The first time i was seriously challenged, it was racist. from a teacher. a Pri school HOD of science. i bit my lip. did not want to press my luck

the first time i bit my lip and went up to a girl, we fell in love deeply for 4 good years

the first time i stood up for self-perceived justice at the sight of perceived injustice to a platonic classmate, it was the first time i stood up to a teacher. (a teacher was still very much a representative model of an establishment i had been taught to respect). i humiliated my teacher, made her cry buckets, realised my folly, apologised and matured to become friends later on

the second time i stood up against a teacher who believed i could only go to a polytechnic, i managed to get into HCJC and took my 'o' results from her reluctant hands. that look on her face is still etched

the third time i stood up to a teacher, it was a grave mistake. this was my scoutmaster who had trusted me so much. i got punished on-the-spot, though amazingly my counterparts and team members followed in my punishment voluntarily, i was deeply touched.

perhaps my friends are right. i can be very stubborn, persistent, adamant, if i believe in something, whether its self-perceived justice or an intangible goal in life

but life has rechecked me. perhaps im overzealous in all the wrong ways possible. perhaps i love somethins, some notion, some person so much i end up hurting that romanticised thing, notion, person.

then thats wrong. though my intentions may be clear, the damage is still done. just like the crusades, or the revolutionary spirit of the Vietcong. They deeply believed in a pure, altruistic notion that they would sacrifice all to attempt to achieve.

Forgive them Lord for they know not what they do

Forgive me Lord, for the hurt i've done to friends around me, knowingly, unknowingly. Forgie me Lord, for the hurt i have done to my sole loved one, help me bury the past in my heart, never to be awoken again.

Jesus

Lead me in your Jesus way

Lead me in your narrow way

...Transceit...

Perhaps i'm actually under alot of hidden stress

But that's still no excuse

I can tell you that generally

My heart and being is very unsettled

By what i'm not sure. Whether it should be

I dunt know for sure

Yes perhaps it's zeal and passion

Perhaps i've taken it to too extremes

I realise now that no matter what zeal and passion i may be

Fueled on, if it hurts my friends and loved ones,

If it dents my relationships somehow

Then i have to balance things out

Most of the time, it wasn't worth it.

I wasn't wise enough,
and am still grappling now

..Transit..

Though we are both guys and it was man-to-man

Though the hurtful words went as fast as they came

I know it has dented our friendship still

Yes it's been very long since we argued like that

Especially when there was no point

When it shouldn't have occured at all

My dear Friend Edwin,

I wanted to say sorry to you but those two syllables

Just choked

In my throat, my heart

I hope

Somehow, through my indirect means, through whatever

Heartfelt sharings i had with you immediately preceding

Has expressed to you my guilt and apology for the outburst

It's strange that i can't ay it to you but i can type it out easily now and share

My sins with the Net-enabled world.

I guess you must be reading this,

Sorry ol' fren.

LOST in transition

I lost it today.

I somehow lost it at Edwin today.

It was very scary, it was inflamed in minutes,
and over even before i could grasp what had posessed me

I just snapped. It was so easy it was scary

I couldn't believe that i had did it again

In so close proximity to the place where i hurt another so

It makes it feel so much worse

In public. For crying out loud

And there i was still trying insistently to prove that i was right

But i'm still left with a nasty temper problem

I thought that part of me was over and
buried in the sins of the past

But no this nasty temper is like a supervirus

which hides like a snivelly rat and grows stronger on

whatever that fights it
whatever that denies it
whatever that defies it

That bullish obnoxious side of me still exists

And rides roughshod over my gentle frame

So God help me

Love can be a one-sided affair, but a (romantic) relationship is and should only be two-way

Only strong love can allow strong hurt, extreme jealousy and even an unending hatred

The heart abhors a vacuum,always scouring for companionship...romantic or not

We tend to forget that our dreams of life have a life of their own...

Hope seems immanent in human nature...

-Catherine Lim

WAR DOES NOT DETERMINE

WHO IS RIGHT

BUT

WHO IS LEFT

Innocence is the first casualty of war.

one of my favourites.....

Footprints in the Sand


One night a man had a dream.

He dreamed he was walking along the beach with the LORD.

Across the sky flashed scenes from his life.

For each scene he noticed two sets of footprints in the sand: one belonging to him, and the other to the LORD.

When the last scene of his life flashed before him,he looked back at the footprints in the sand.

He noticed that many times along the path ofhis life there was only one set of footprints.

He also noticed that it happened at the verylowest and saddest times in his life.

This really bothered him and he questioned the LORD about it:

"LORD, you said that once I decided to follow you, you'd walk with me all the way.But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life,there is only one set of footprints. I don't understand why when I needed you most you would leave me."

The LORD replied:
"My son, my precious child,I love you and I would never leave you.During your times of trial and suffering,when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you."

It has struck.

Again

The leviathan ariseth

Twice in three moons

Though this time a whimper

It's flung us a-scamper

Like mice in a field

We take to our heels

Again

She shows her wrathful nature

Fate's Fickle Finger

Wrong tree to rest on.

How perfect the glass ball gleams, how perfect
The tides they flow, how serene
Their overlapping rings, so impeccably
They echo in reverberation, an everlasting temptation

Feel the sunshine beat, on the Earth all splendour cast on
Earth, its breathing, a new day awaiting
Nature, she's bleeding, the whole world renewing
Planets revolving, all things a-changing

An Owl's hoot beckons the Night
It returns to find its nest aflight'd
This tallest, sturdiest tree it chose had hollowed
With it, the Owl's dreams of home swallowed

It was so free of vermins, it was definitely suspect
Yet the tall, sturdy tree was just so perfect
Four trees it had tested, yet none permanently nested
The Owl's heart had cried out for rest.

Wheelchair-friendly buses

I was surprised by the news the other day, when i read about the import of the pioneer batch of wheelchair-friendly buses into Singapore. These buses came with hydraulic ramps that made it effortless for people on wheelchairs to be lifted from street level onto the buses.

What surprised me was the decision now to test out these buses at all! Well it was a pleasant surprise of course, and i am glad that Singapore is progresing to be on par with other developed countries in this aspect. I knew these buses were available and already proven operational for years in other developed states like Japan and Germany. A few years ago there were also some public outcries about why a developed country like S'pore wouldn't provide such services to ease the burden of the handicapped populace.

Reasons cited then were that of high costs and that the handicapped population being too small in number to justify the disproportionate investment. However, i believe we cannot be too practical on this issue and keep waiting for the size of the handicapped peopulation to be 'substantial'.

This issue cannot be simply reduced to a matter of statistics. We need to weigh in considerations that if we are striving to bring this sector of the population from the fringes of society back to the mainstream, we should display more genuine gestures. By waiting for the number to be 'substantial', we will be sidelining them meanwhile. This is in contrast to our slogans and messages that tell of wanting to "reintegrate them back into mainstream" society. By holding them back on such a basic provision, we are sending the wrong signal that "we want to help, but only if it is financially feasible". what bull. In this way, our actions do not tally with our slogans and verbal intents at all.

Let's stop being hypocrites or mentally-hanicapped. Much more can definitely be done to provide for these less fortunate people. These people who depend on the wheelchair to move about depend on the bus for everyday transport. Hiring a taxi for those who have to go to work everyday is simply not economically viable. If we do encourage employers to give handicapped people employment opportunites and a chance to prove themselves just as capable, we should complete the package by providing the basic service of public transport for them. Public transport in its generic terms seeks to provide mobility for everyone at large, thus it should not be exclusive to just 'able-bodied' people who do not need a wheelchair. SMRT must indeed be praised for its many efforts at making an MRT experience friendly to all sectors of the population, whether it be the blind, disabled or those with babies. The newly-installed elevators, wide-opening entrance/exit gates have indeed helped embrace sections of the popuulation that are sometimes left behind.

Even our less wealthy Northerly neighbour is more developed than our Lion City in this aspect of provision of services to handicapped people. For example, their national televised news has engaged deaf and dumb translators to translate real-time news to allow deaf and dumb viewers to enjoy news just like everyone elsi. For a long time i have aslo wondered why Singapore hasn't done this. Probably the same reasons have held back the authorities. Well if we can afford to experiment with 2 television comapnies to provide alternative and more varied programmes for vieweres here, we can jolly well afford to hire translators at least for our news programmes for sure.

I just watched a little-known(in S'pore) movie, . I can tell you, it's fantastic, watch it, no regrets. Leave the ranks of ignorant S'poreans who simply flock to blockbusters or silly slapstick/thrill like Seed of Chucky(ok iwatched it but i damn regretted it). Trust me, isn't just another art film or documentary about a dusty piece of history.

When the credits flashed, no one really moved from their seats...there was kinda tension in the air...it was so silent...luckily the sombre music came on after a breathtaking min or so...kinda like signalled that oh yes that was just another movie, come back to reality and peaceful s'pore pls ladies and gentlemen...the cleaner was like signalling the control room to flood the place with lights cos she wanted to send us the big signal that we shld leave n let her do her job and end her night shift. Hew frowning face and intimidating size was quite a put-off realie. But nonetheless i dashed out of the cinema. I needed to cool off, i was stunned, amazed, angry, pertubed almost all at the same time. Such a rush of emotions pumping thru my veins and flooding my whole system..i havent been like that since last month when my dad got hurt at the factory and the time before tha was about a year ago when i was still in love...man....how could a simple movie had done that to me..

I was shattered to pieces...my belief(wateva left after i studied the UN at JC) in the global institutions that upheld peace and goodwill...in the belief that man is by nature good..that a benevolent god exists...man even my religion was rocked....my gosh...all those crystal beliefs were so vulnerable actually. simply threw up so many questions at me, in-the-face...I was spiritually stripped and humbled when those images of the suffering refugees flashed time and again on the screen, the helplessness portrayed by the director...so raw, so real..yet the world stood by and watched such a massacre from their couches and fireplaces, sipping down coffee and switching channels...

One quote from the movie realie caught me, it went sumting like "I think when the world(western mostly) watches this(genocide) on tv, they will just say Oh! and continue eating their dinner". Now that really struck me...wat a simple yet succint way of sending the message that the whole world simply ignored Rwanda in 1994...they simply ignored, abandoned it to the fires of hell...

What made me feel worse about the whole incident was that i was so damn ignorant about the whole Rwandan genocide! To think i go around proclaiming to be a history buff and that i studied History at 'A' level...now i'm just thinking, so what....i simply studied whatever limited history text needed for the myopic exam and satisfied some brit markers..ok yes i did have to use SOME analytical skills and argumentative stuff but look....i walked into that cinema as blur as any kid who didn't touch history at all...yeah i did briefly skip thru some notes on the 1994 Rwandan massacre, but that was all that registered...a massacre, one word. no picture, no horror, no emotions. my curriculum was from WW2 till 1991, thus didnt qte cover 1994. dunt misconstrue my words, i think my alma mater did an excellent job in giving me an enriching and out-of-textbook education esp in the studies of history and beautiful literature. but to say i'm educated in modern world history yet i'm SO glaringly ignorant of the enormity and monstrosity of Rwanda 1994 is such a joke! Yeah such a cruel joke indeed...

So i was humbled...brought back to reality....start learning more please!! so yes i'm starting research into Rwanda 1994...i can't just keep clinging to Nam' and bits of WW2 just b'cos they're my fav hist events....yes indeed i will broaden my scope of knowledge and prevent myself from such a situation again..such a fool i am..

And just before the credits rolled...there was a short mention of where the protagonist hero went to after Rwanda 1994, and also the war-crime sentencing of the instigator of the Rwanda 1994 genocide. There were but 3 lines outlining how that guy was sentenced in 2002, then poof it went to credits...I was like waiting eagerly for some kind of good poetic justice to be dealt out...but history and reality stands as cruel as it is....some semblance of justice cld only be executed 8 whole years after the Rwanda 1994 genocide, my gosh...so that's how the int'l justice system works...so shall the light of day be always one pace behind darkness where evil is afoot? I dunno...at tis pt in time my spirit is vacated...i suddenly dunt know wat to trust in...hope it's temporary...itink i ned a few days to consolidate my thoughts...thank goodness there's this blog to temporarily expiate my frustrations and anger

Dunt write off this movie as just another take of Schindler's List in a different context, this movie with its relatively unknown cast yet superb directoring and a true, hard story is definitely heartwarming and will hopefully strike some consciences and make a change somewhere in the int'l institutions..it is definitely worth much more than your buck and time...
Btw i will oso like to explain that my near-perfect grammar observed here(which would be more likely from a disturbed and angry blogger) is but a relfection of the fact that i took 2 hours plus to do some initial consolidation and restrain my self from just lambasting on the net aimlessly...the stress on diction and grammar only t shows the deliberation i had to go thru to pen all these...so dunt be mistaken..!

Signing off,

A morose John

Dear all,

it hasnt been a very happy new year after all...instead, here in this part of the world, we're like overwhelmed by a tide of sorrow..okay forgive the puns....

This has been such a disaster, of which the magnitude i am only beginning to grasp as the days go by and the debris left by the watery carnage recedes....it first came only as a panicky sms from Joanna who was telling me how lucky she was to have escaped death by avoiding an 'earthquake' in Phuket where she was supposed tio go on a school-organised trip. and it was exactly 26th that she was suposed to go....

Yeah rite, the 'earthquake' wasnt in thailand but it dont matter cos it didnt really kill, yet the aqua serpents it unleadhed on developing Asia was like Judgement Day man...Hell it was like the 3rd flooding of the Earth...The Indos were so very prepared against x'mas church bombings yet(as harris surmises), Nature wanted to show that she was still in control and that she shld still be most-feared-of-all... I dunno bout that....i only hope The Indos give war-torn Aceh some peace now that most of its war survivors have been decimated. What was once a 'restive province' is now an unwilling place of rest for many unknowns...whose existence just drifted away lidat..jus down the drain...okay i dunno y i'm using all these aqua images but i cant seem to help it...

And oh yes....i actually almost volunteered to be part of the relief force(NSF have to volunteer, can't just take orders and sail cos tis not trng.tis is like realie for real!!!) ANd so yeah..we were given quite little time to think thru but a part of me was just crying out, wanting to help..if i cldnt contribute much in cash, maybe i could actually ut my engineer skills to good use and participate in this relief work...it had always been a crazy wish of mine to participate as a peacekeeper during my NSF life tho inoe it isnt realie possible n tis was like the golden chance!

Yet alot of me held back oso...i had to be responsible not just to myself but to my family and loved ones...volunteering for thailand was already gracious enough from my boss and family..should i push the envelope stilll...and woth my father injured and recovering now...i dunt tink i shld burden my family more..so i held back my hand

Yup i have decided and that's that. but i'm not gonna watch the crisis on the telly from my couch...i'm gonna put full steam into the fund-raising effort i urged my scout troop to organise..to see these boys put their creativity and sweat it out for a well-deserved cause would be great! and dunt tink that we actually acted upon MOE's prompt...nope e project was initiated right after the disaster, before all the pomp and convention about principals encouraging their charge to help raise funds...blah blah blah...Yeah its gonna be a diff kinda challenge for me and my troop at home, in the comfort and security of home. Nevertheless, rest assured our hearts go out to all the afflicted out there...

God Bless and save your people.

A morose John