I just finished chatting with my counterpart. It was a mighty fine chat really, and he initiated it, pleasantly surprising me. Well, it did help to stave off our rising boredom today, with nothing much going on and so much uncertainty.

Yes, pathetic as it may sound, our work capacity depends a lot on my boss’ decisions, schedules, meetings, etc. Well, we are his personal assistants, two moons around a planet, you cannot expect too much right?

And yeah back to the part about the talk, some interesting exchanges about life in general, regulars and NSF army life, the usual stuff. We are very different personalities and have lived very different lives. Our outlook towards NSF, life in general, people, relationships, quality of life, life goals all seem to differ quite a lot. It is amazing how we can still converse and learn from each other.

Well but I must tell you it takes a lot of strength, perseverance and patience to be able to conduct conversations like that. It’s like I enjoy it and am still amazed by how we can still communicate despite the many obvious differences in opinions about almost everything. Perhaps the only common grounds is that both of us are stuck with this queer job for quite some time and still have time to serve out in NS.

However interesting and enlightening, I feel tired after such a conversation. It leaves me a little more drained. Well I am partly to blame for I am quite a stubborn character and I have a very bad habit of wanting the other party to see my point and at least agree with me in-principle, everytime I say something. Yes I know that is an asshole bad character trait, I get real stubborn and hot-tempered sometimes. I listen less to the other person but more to my inner frustration at being unable to get the other party to agree with me.

Ok ok enough ranting and self-depreciation. I have somewhat checked that bad character trait to a certain extent and am still on the long struggle to overcoming it. What I really wanted to say guess, was that I’m quite tired. By what, I really am not sure. I just feel like having company, whether solo or with a group, out to somewhere nice and quiet at night. I have developed this love for the night, somehow, I dunno why. Just off to somewhere near the River, Boat Quay, Clarke Quay, Esplanade.

I just seem to have fallen in love with the night atmosphere by the river. Maybe just a little bar, a pool bar would be nice, serene, a few good-looking ladies, soothing jazz piped in, drinks, the sea, the breeze, the rustling of waves. Just relax, no real need to talk. But if there were small talk, anything would sound nice. I would really be in the mood for anything. I would be game. Totally relaxed, bring out the real me inside, beneath all that rebel-without-a-cause, rugged, expletive, impulsive skin that drapes around my frame.

I just want to be able to talk about my feelings, emotions or on any other things on my heart, from my heart. Just no-holds-barred, yet assured that the people around me will understand truly and naturally, or at least that they won’t feel offended. Just know when I’m talking cock, when I’m joking, when I’m trying hard to crack a joke, when I am just talking bored listlessly, when I am using my heart to talk, when I am listening with my ear, when I’m crying out loud inside, when I need a shoulder, when I need a soul-mate.

Company that know me, really know me. Dunt need to know the ghouls that haunt me inside which even I myself have much difficulty grasping, but just know. Just sit down beside me, a clink of glass, a blink of eye, an exchange of whispers, a cackle of giggles, a burst of laughter, a silent closure, an understanding of the heart.