Confessions

The first time i was seriously challenged, it was racist. from a teacher. a Pri school HOD of science. i bit my lip. did not want to press my luck

the first time i bit my lip and went up to a girl, we fell in love deeply for 4 good years

the first time i stood up for self-perceived justice at the sight of perceived injustice to a platonic classmate, it was the first time i stood up to a teacher. (a teacher was still very much a representative model of an establishment i had been taught to respect). i humiliated my teacher, made her cry buckets, realised my folly, apologised and matured to become friends later on

the second time i stood up against a teacher who believed i could only go to a polytechnic, i managed to get into HCJC and took my 'o' results from her reluctant hands. that look on her face is still etched

the third time i stood up to a teacher, it was a grave mistake. this was my scoutmaster who had trusted me so much. i got punished on-the-spot, though amazingly my counterparts and team members followed in my punishment voluntarily, i was deeply touched.

perhaps my friends are right. i can be very stubborn, persistent, adamant, if i believe in something, whether its self-perceived justice or an intangible goal in life

but life has rechecked me. perhaps im overzealous in all the wrong ways possible. perhaps i love somethins, some notion, some person so much i end up hurting that romanticised thing, notion, person.

then thats wrong. though my intentions may be clear, the damage is still done. just like the crusades, or the revolutionary spirit of the Vietcong. They deeply believed in a pure, altruistic notion that they would sacrifice all to attempt to achieve.

Forgive them Lord for they know not what they do

Forgive me Lord, for the hurt i've done to friends around me, knowingly, unknowingly. Forgie me Lord, for the hurt i have done to my sole loved one, help me bury the past in my heart, never to be awoken again.

Jesus

Lead me in your Jesus way

Lead me in your narrow way