Recently i've been blogging alot

I'm not sure what it means,
Whether i'm too free, have more time to reflect, or probably plainly because i have too much angst now

One thing i know for sure is that my last leg of NSF life has really been screwed up

Nowadays in office, i truly feel that i'm wasting away my youth inside
That i'm not really contributing much
That i'm not being enriched by this NS experience

Maybe i shldnt expect too much
This is an Army life anyway, not school or work attachment
Oh yes its like an attachment in the sense that i pull long hours, am enslaved and underpaid,
And most of all i dutn really have much of a choice

Previously i would feel self-disppointment if i cldnt execute a task well
Nowadays i put in ZERO personal effort as a final scorn to something i believe in anymore
Also because i know personal effort isnt appreciated here
Only minor mistakes are magnified

I've tried to learn the way of Zen
But its either that im a bad student
Or that my job scope and exposure just doesnt allow that

Nevertheless, i choose to heck care
Call me names, Judge me like a Pharisee, say wateva u want
I've made my peace with Him

I believe i've done more than my fair share for this enterprise
And when personal queries out of concern are snubbed and rebuked
I know it's not worth it anymore