Love-In-Separation

As I tried to pick up the pieces of my life

I was a traveler who looked for exotic and beautiful sights

That I hoped could fill up that deep dark emptiness and unhappiness inside of me

I wandered and searched, just as I thought everyone was

Nobody ever seemed to be content

Even those who had a glimpse or beheld gorgeous sights did not seem content

I thought the best way to depart from the site of my brokenness and sadness

Was to travel to a new site of hope, beauty, happiness, union and companion

I felt I had lost myself in that ordeal

That this journey in search of the exotic and the beautiful

This attempt at obtaining the desires of the heart

Or the desires of many men

Shall prove to be a milestone for me

Perhaps I would be able to recover bits of myself in that endeavour

I thought if I found the perfect and ideal one in my eyes

I would be able to find a reflection of myself in her

Thus perhaps I would be able to gradually recover myself

Yet my journey was futile as I embarked on an endless search

There was seldom a perfect and ideal one in my eyes

And even the few that came close, never came close to my heart

At times I became even self-righteous

Thinking that it was only their loss

Yet how could I even be self-righteous if I claimed not to have found myself yet

This crazed journey left me feverish and steeped in thought

Perhaps a proactive approach was not always the best way to travel

Perhaps in my rushed endeavour I had failed to breathe in the sights

Perhaps there was no such thing as the perfect ideal one

I looked to providence, or by whatever name men call it

Perhaps a passive approach is not entirely compromising

Perhaps if it is yours to have, one does not even have to try very hard

This journey with myopic objectives came almost to an end

Desirable women of the time were few and far between

Women desirous of principles were even fewer

Ancient values and virtues seemed to be the exhaust of the

Modern strive and desire for pleasure and entertainment

The moth that wanders to the lamp flame

At the height of my solitude

A woman of grace were to come along

She did not seem to know the rules of the game or

Desire to play by it

Perhaps it was not a game after all

She gave me the desire to unshackle myself from what

Men have called a game or sport

Her grace and beauty prompted the inner movements of my heart

Moved by desire and curiosity I decided on earnesty

An earnesty that seemed to surprise and delight both of us

The blooming of an unlikely friendship in the unlikeliest of settings

Where my heart did not search, this graceful flower bloomed in front of me

When my heart did not search, this ideal woman stood at the crossroad of my life

Touched by the reciprocity, action and reaction seemed to fade in their distinctions

Here was a woman who made it easy to love her

Action and reaction at times faded into a certain instinct

T’was indeed hard to fathom or explain

This most unlikely meeting of two hearts and their blossoming on this earnest soil

T’was indeed hard to fathom or explain

This unlikeliest timing when a primordial love was re-awakened

Almost as if we had met each other before in some previous life

Or in a life conjured in our childhood dreams

It seemed to me that when one stopped searching high and low

God provides the desires of the heart

Even before one is aware of it

For His wisdom is beyond comprehension or human approach

Only when one stops to listen and to accept

Does one realize only His plan is ideal and perfect

Indeed my journey to look for the ideal and perfect woman was futile

Since none of creation is perfect

Perhaps the unions blessed by Him would come close

They are like a mirror held up to His glorious face

That none have seen and is beyond comparison

As I consumed myself in the flames of love and desire

I saw in myself the moth drawn to the flame

Cautioned, I knew there must be more to life

There must be more to the eternal truth of life

A truth that ends hunger and thirst

For even as I was consumed in love’s fire, I remained trapped in the desires of the world

Guided beyond my love for this graceful woman

I was brought into another type of love

One that assumed heavenly proportions that seemed too great and deep to express

I suddenly understood that the primordial love

I first felt when I laid my eyes on her

Was not on her body or soul but through them

She was almost like an angel of God’s

Sent to tell me that there was so much more to life

That there was an eternal type of love I could pursue

My disappointments with the world and how it works

My sadness with regards to the rules of the world’s games

My sympathy with the victims of the world

Those we visually see and those we do not

Those we pray for and those we forget nightly

Seem to have an eternal and lasting answer and hope to them

This inexplicable love that has been with men from the beginning of time

Resisting the laws of equality and evolution

Showered upon mankind without cost, without expectations, without questions

Plumbing the depths of hearts which cry out in the deepest darkness of the world

For if it had been equal, all of us would have received our due payment for our faults

And be cast into eternal gnashing and grinding of teeth

For if it had submitted to the laws of evolution, almost no humans would remain

On the face of the Earth, since we have only progressed

In learning how better to kill each other more effectively

Yet this was a simple love of forgiveness and self-sacrifice

That many try to complicate or even forget

This was an act of love showered to even those who did not appreciate

An act of love given to us even while we hated Him

This was the greatest type of love, that of self-sacrifice

That which we hear of in the greatest times of crises such as war

This love on a tree made me see how minuscule my love for her was

Yet they are not mutually exclusive

For my love for her is of a different type and dimension

And it does not take much to see how our love may never measure up

To the tale of love on a tree

I have struggled long to come so far in appreciation of these love comparisons

My love for her is at best a poor reflection of our Father’s love for us

The rippled reflection of the moon on a clear full moon night

If He has provided this talent into my life

I should make the best of what He has given me

For if I prove to be able to love what little He has given me now

How much more riches and glory would he put me in charge to manage in the future

For even though we love in a broken and sinful love

Only by suffering can we taste love

Only in Him and in His blessings do we derive hope

I will make the best use of this love-in-separation

The initial pain of separation after love was re-awakened was hard to bear

The world seemed tethered by a silken string, yet nothing was too hard for Him

This love-in-separation shall prove to be our ship of love, my Love

And if we shall be able to endure its rocky journey to the end

I believe we shall be able to reach illumination together

In passionate restraint we shall hold each other dear and accountable to His law

To eventually obtain a collective illumination of the goodness of His law

And His plan for us, a plan that we ourselves may not know or be able to comprehend

And if our union be in His will, even the angels shall delight

In this paltry mirror of His love