As i approach my 21st Bdae, i'm not really sure what to feel
There's alot of hype bout the 21st bdae and i've experienced them 1st hand
After celebrating for a few friends who were early this year

Well i guess it's obvious by now that i'm somehow not that excited
About my very own 21st bade
Hmm..well for one i'm not the type that really emphasises alot
On my own bdae
I know it means alot to many of my friends so i do put in effort
To some of those closer to me, to make it really special for them

However when it comes to my own bdae, usually it just washes
Out like any other day
Sometimes my close friends remember and remind me of it before
I snap out of my mundane life
Most of the time i tell my frenz to keep it simple

Which is exactly what i prefer it to be
Which is what should happen for this one
Not that diff from any other bdae

If you ask me which of my bdaes i remember the best
Somehow i have vivid memories of one in sec3/sec4
Where my classmates gave me an adult magazine and
A shared card signed by most of the class
It's in my traeasure box of heartfelt gifts now
testimony to the little differences
i've made in some people's lives i guess

This 21st bade is kinda special also because it falls on
Ash Wednesday, a Catholic occassion which is
Actually kinda sorrowful and mournful
I could go on to explain how it heralds Lent but yeah
Basically it means that I need to go to Church at night
And that i should generally be in a reflective, meditative
Mood, no outward celebration i guess

Ok lah but i kinda find it significant cos
Ash Wednesday also reminds one of his mortality,
Of the Lord's great sacrifice of life for us,
Where "Dust to Dust, Ashes to Ashes"
Will be uttered in Church.

Somehow i can draw the link that it is an occassion similar to a bdae

It kinda reminds one that as we live in triumph of death
Every step we take is also a walk towards eventual death
Mortality

Both ocassions also encourage reflection on what one has
Done in life. Where i believe it matters more to count the
Differences you've made in people's lives than anything else
In life. Even ambition may be construed to be self-serving

As i walk along in life
I hope i will be constantly reminded of my mortality
Know what really matters in life
Live it to the fullest
And have close friends read my eulogy to all those whose grand lives
Have somehow been brushed by mine

I've come to realise that sometimes
We dunt really know our frenz well

Off the cuff, we may be able to name
Up to ten good friends that we have
And talk to frequently and consult
Regarding life's never-ending queries

Yet when we size things down, perhaps
Only a few of them know intimately about
Your life, your previous love lives, your current
Your ambition, your dreams, your family background
Your innermost thoughts that few would appreciate
Or understand with respect to who you are

Perhaps only a few know why you say things
The way you say it
Why you regard people
the way you do
Why you regard money
the way you do
Why you regard love
the way you do
Why you regard family
the way you do
Why you regard religion
the way you do
Why you regard image
the way you do

Perhaps only a few will respect and understand
You for being who you are

The same goes for our friends i guess
When we claim them to be our true frenz, gd frenz, best frenz,
How much do we actually know about them?
Some of our friends just get relegated to being old friends, past acquaintances
Once our social circles diverge, we dunt really seem to know much about them anymore

The little info that we garner about old frenz,
Through proxy frenz, through blogs, through brief MSN chats, thru mass smses
Would not suffice to paint a picture of our frenz life adequately

Many things in life may hold us back from approaching
Such frenz for dinner or a catch-up session

I only hope that i do not lose sight of those friendships i
Truly treasure and truly want to retain and develop

As i approach my 21st birthdae, may i be able to
Consolidate some of my life's expereiences
And have in my heart a firm web of friendships
That i know will help me thru life
And make me a stronger person

Recently i've been blogging alot

I'm not sure what it means,
Whether i'm too free, have more time to reflect, or probably plainly because i have too much angst now

One thing i know for sure is that my last leg of NSF life has really been screwed up

Nowadays in office, i truly feel that i'm wasting away my youth inside
That i'm not really contributing much
That i'm not being enriched by this NS experience

Maybe i shldnt expect too much
This is an Army life anyway, not school or work attachment
Oh yes its like an attachment in the sense that i pull long hours, am enslaved and underpaid,
And most of all i dutn really have much of a choice

Previously i would feel self-disppointment if i cldnt execute a task well
Nowadays i put in ZERO personal effort as a final scorn to something i believe in anymore
Also because i know personal effort isnt appreciated here
Only minor mistakes are magnified

I've tried to learn the way of Zen
But its either that im a bad student
Or that my job scope and exposure just doesnt allow that

Nevertheless, i choose to heck care
Call me names, Judge me like a Pharisee, say wateva u want
I've made my peace with Him

I believe i've done more than my fair share for this enterprise
And when personal queries out of concern are snubbed and rebuked
I know it's not worth it anymore

I have a dream –Sung to the tune of ABBA’s “I have a Dream”


I have a dream, to ORD
To help me cope, with NDP
If you see the wonder, of a fairytale
You can take the future, even if you fail
I believe in Civi
Something good in everything I see
I believe in Civi
When I know the time is right for me
I’ll ORD-I have a dream

I have a dream, a fantasy
To help me through, this NDP
And my destination, makes it worth the while
Pushing through the papers, still another pile
I believe in danger
Something screwed in everything I see
I’ll ORD-I have a dream
I’ll ORD-I have a dream

The shitty work, fluctuating workload and vacillating higher HQ

Its been more than 2 months since i returned from my Thailand trip last Dec-Jan
Got so caught up in shitty office work that i couldnt really find time to really reflect
Got arrowed to cover someone else's work
Though i love to work with my current immediate superior
Honestly the nature of the work sux and its a hectic life where weekends aren't spared
No wonder its a real family-breaker. Nope i balanced things off so my personal life's fine

The shitty work, fluctuating workload and vacillating higher HQ
Just makes every day in the office dreadful

Just makes me want to get out of the office everyday i get in
Just makes me want to keep pretending i'm talkign on the phone so nobody bugs me
Just makes me wanna look busy so i dunt have to multi-task and accomplish many many random jobs, which are a legacy of the many previous tasks i pioneered in other departments
The random jobs suck as they drag me through my workday, just like a pesky attachment to a previous relatsp

Sometimes i just dunt want to be so good at multi-tasking
Sometimes i just dunt want to pick up 90% of the phone calls
Sometimes i just dunt want to clear up others' mess
Sometimes i just dunt want to be so well versed in Army staff SOP
Sometimes i just dunt want to exploit my friendships to accomplish work objectives
Sometimes i just dunt want to explain my differences from my peers

Sometimes i wanna be able to respect some of my Officers
Sometimes i wanna stop throwing smokescreens and lying my way through
Sometimes i wanna stop speaking up for my superiors
Sometimes i wanna shut some colleagues up
Sometimes i wanna tell my superior to wake up his idea
Sometimes i wanna stop subsidising my superiors' monetary excesses
Soemtimes i wanna tell my superior to stop being a leach
Sometimes i wanna tell my superior to stop being a bitch
Sometimes i wanna internal meeting to start on time
Sometimes i wanna tell my superior to stop wasting my youth
Sometimes i wanna tell my superior to stop procrastinating
Sometimes i wanna tell my superior to stop blaspheming
Sometimes i just wanna be a normal soldier
Sometimes i just wanna be left alone, at peace

Such egotistic, self-righteous, self-made tyrants

One thing i can't stand in the Army
Is when your superiors take you for granted

Short of a word of thanks
Or appreciation for past efforts

They always seem to fall victim to being
Blind to all personal efforts
But conscious of every little mistake you make

Such are some superiors in the Army
Base creatures they are
Thinking they actually have the
Right to take people for granted
Just because of the insignia on their shoulders or sleeves

Such egotistic, self-righteous, self-made tyrants
Endorsed by the Coat Of Arms

Its a crying shame i say
Nobody in the world is justified in taking
Another fellow human for granted I say

I await this grand hubris to unfold
These self-contained Dreamers to crumble
When without aides they shall fumble
All pretence at greatness shall fall down a tumble

For all who exalt themselves shall be humbled
And all who humble themselves shall be exalted

Imperfection may be accepted by the Lord Almighty
But for those who constantly sin against Humanity
I think they need to reflect aplenty

Perhaps it's about time things took a shift

I realise that at this point in time i am stepping out of alot of things in life
The visible ones may be that of an Army life, which is in itself a varied lifestyle

One may even see it as a sheltered form of life
Where you are removed from the pressure:

To find work, to earn your keep
To study, to fulfil your priority obligation as a student
To continue to be creative; cos you can just blame the routines of an Army life
To continue to speak well; cos you ain't never seen a sergeant who does,
or you just can't help cussing
To continue to write well; cos you fill in more forms then write constructively inside
To continue to air your views, debate; cos freedom of speech isn't really present
To be courteous; cos it's a dog-eat-dog world inside

So as i step out of this lifestlye, there are many adjustments i would have to make

An Army life, as bad as it might seem from your peers' accounts or personal experience,
Can in many ways actually be a sheltered way of life
Just think of the many excuses you've found urself using when
Friends remark that you've changed

An Army life has also allowed me to be almost totally financially dependent from my parents
That is something i still hold proud for myself
But perhaps that is just Leson 1.1 in my long journey toward personal/family financing
I'm not sure how it's gonna work out after i draw my last Army allowance,
But i do know that i can start earning my keep
And be very proud of it

As for the less visible and tangible things that i am stepping out of
I leave that to my close friends and future confidante(s) to find out

In a way, this is Liberation that many, including me
Cry out randomly every dreadful day at work
In a way this Liberation signals separation as history has always demonstrated

I can choose to Liberate myself and decry this former lifestyle as a total waste of time and taxpayer's money
But i feel that this NS experience has indeed done me alot of good personally

I dunt know when i will have the time and effort to pen down parts of my NS experience,
But i must say i have had quite a varied and rewarding experience so far
Experiences that will take me far in life i know

"Many little things to do"

Seems like a common comment you might hear from friends
yet sometimes we realise thats whats happening to our lives
At the end of the Day, Week, Month

Sometimes i wonder if it's qte meaningless if we live life chasing all the loose ends
But neglect the really impt things like friends, love, dreams and ambitions

Oftentimes, i find myself doing things for the sake of doing it
A routine is still worthy of execution, as long as you see the logic and rationale behind it,
Like peeing or eating.....

But sometimes work, in all forms of it, is so routine and meaningless
That you just dunt put heart into it
You just do it, subconsciously, like breathing

Ok this may begin to sound like an amatuer try at existentialism
Im just trying to take a few steps back in life
To see whats really worth doing, stopping
Or putting my heart and soul in

Perhaps it is just as well
Much have i experienced in the past 3 months
But honestly i havent had the time to relax and reflect
Internalise some lessons, forge some resolve

Im sure that introspective approach would be much more useful
Than New year's resolutions made on the spur

I pray to God for strength that i may live each day anew
And that i may be given strength and vision
To differentiate the really impt things in life from pesky trivial stuff
That keeps trying to block/slow my way
And for the courage to focus effort on the more impt things
Despite censure, 'worldly' advice

For things in my power to change
I will try my best to carve things out to the best i deem fit
As for the rest beyond me
God Will make a Way...

rank is just something u wear on ur sleeve or shoulder.

It is authority that counts; authority that stems from capability, accountability, responsibility.

Dedicated to fellow NSFs out there, do not be afraid to stand up and speak out when you feel something is wrong or can be done in a better way, even if it means to point out your superior's mistake. He/she is only your superior as the Lord has charged him/her with higher responsibilities. But if he/she cannot discharge it to the best of ability, he/she answers to the Lord just like you and me. Where else do the powers of Men come from if not from the Lord himself?

Some people may be trained to be your superiors. But training is one thing, and actual on-the-ground capability is another diff story. I totally respect Officers who can think & act on the ground as much as they can plan and discuss from their swivel seats and air-con offices.

But as for those who commission smartly as officers in No.1 but thats the last time you see them hold themselves steady, thats a sad little story. There are those who will shake and tremble during crunch time. Whose balls will be in their throats when they have to make millisecond decisions. Not everyone can think on their feet, some are better off condemned to their swivel chairs and air-con offices, contained within a cubicle, churning our reports, emails, powerpoints. At least you can't really hate them that way, even better if you don't hear from them.

Do not be afraid to do the right thing, say the right thing. For if you remain silent amidst the unjust, illogical environment and let the vicious cycle carry on to your understudies, you are doing a whole generation injustice, and you are just another hapless tool, helpless pawn of the Organisation. You are just as blind to reality as the System.

But of course not every section of the Organisation actually allows or encourages free speech. Be prudent and watch your steps. Do whatever you can in the capacity that allows. Even a little bit counts toward alot eventually. One less signature needed, one less form to be filled, one less level of bureaucracy, will eventually do alot for generations to come. Do not think little of yourself, as no one but yourself may put you down, and every man & woman is made equal in the eyes of the Lord.

It must be hard up there, having to supervise and oversee so much and plan so much. But when you have little of an inkling what really happens on the ground, ithink you've lost the plot. Then it's about high-time some self-evaluation needs to be done. It must be tough i guess, once you go wrong and ur plans go a little awry, you have to put up with so many tiny voices speaking behind you, so many disliking you.

Yeah it must be tough to be an Officer, cos perhaps there is just so much expected of you in so many farcical ways. Give me any day, i would still choose to be a Specialist and take real pride in all my work.

Salute the rank, respect the Man.

The Ugly Singaporean...On the Bus

I've always wanted to write about this. I guess if i really swipe out a notepad and jot down evry nuance of these ugly Singaporean psyches everytime i see one, i would really have a long list.

Unfortunately, i do not really have the habit of carrying a notepad around, and usually it takes some time for me to internalise it, then only when it happens to me In-The-Face a few more times would i really be incensed enough to bear a grudge or even write about it.

Ok back to the story, i just wanna make the point that the Ugly Singaporean is everywhere to be seen, no matter where you look, no matter where you hide. Yes i believe it exists in almost evryone of us, including myself, i ain't really that kinda self-righteous prick.

I guess i will just note down a few facets of the Ugly Singaporean from time to time, perhaps then when i look back at these entries of mine, i can also remind myself never to commit those crimes again.

On a quiet day on the way back home after a hard day's work, you fail to get a seat on the bus, but that's ok. Somehow i have taken a preference to standing on bus trips. I get to observe more stuff, noting how people bahave in a typical social environment. In Singapore, it's almost like the famous Elevator Syndrome takes on a whole new dimensionin Singapore. The claustrophobic and I-only-want-to-be-so-close-to-you-for-the-trip atmosphere seems extended to the whole bus in Singapore. Everyone behaves like a stranger to each other on the bus.

It's almost as if it would be more interesting to figure out the lousy english some numbskulls used to carve love declarations on the back of the backseats, or just jacking in to your Ipod, mobile, fiddling with ur hp and pretending to sms, almost as if all these were more enriching and interesting than to give a simple smile to an oft-seen neighbour (and by neighbour i mean someone who lives in the neighbourhood, not just in ur same HDB block). Hell, almost everyone's a stranger on the bus unless the person beside you is ur partner whom you're trying to do hanky with at the back of the bus.

Then there's the act-deaf, act-blind attitude that some bus commuters have.Bendy buses are good inventions, but it somehow doesn't really matter in Singapore. Not because there are just too many people packed on this island, but because some of us have this devil-may-care attitude; how many times have you witnessed people playing dumb when the bus driver is already hollering at people to move to the rear of the bus in all national languages! Some people just pretend not to be able to see the space behind, continue hanging around near the door and chat with their frenz, if alone pretend to sms or make a call. Some of these people are either really deaf/blind or just being singaporean.

Some just want to be the first to get down and so stick to the door for dear life. I wonder if the authorities should come up with a concession fare for this minority since they give up their seats so willingly. Oh no i'm wrong, there is this group of people within this minority that is even more power....they nestle in strategic seats close to the door the whole journey, then when it gets to a popular stop where they expect almost the whole bus will alight, they get up and squirm their way all the way to the door just so as to be the first to alight. Some are so kanjiong they get up from their treasured seats one stop earlier. No dunt be mistaken that they have heeded the public campaign to alight one stop earlier and walk the rest of the journey to keep fit. SIngaporeans will have none of that shit and most will claim the obesity situation isn't as bad as compared to Western countries(erm, you mean sunny Singapore is not Western? hmm...) No way hosey, these people (mostly aunties, i note) actually strategically plan their seats to be near the door, spring up a stop earlier and gives the next seat-conqueror a real dirt look, just to make sure they are the first to alight.

I am darned sure all this planning could be put to better use by Singaporeans in other areas. I mean look at how some of us chope seats at hawker centers and food courts and you will understand our quick thinking, reflexes, innovativity and ingenuity.

Sometimes i note with disgust how some aunties try to beat the system by flashing their ez-link like 4 stops ahead of their stop, just to save those few cents, then justify to the driver that GST and bus ticket prices have gone up, even throw in arguments like the air-con was hot or that she(ok by now u shld realise my main issue is with aunties) didnt get a seat so she could pay less. Well the system has caught up by adjusting the reader to only read cards during stops at bus stops, but it isnt foolproof, especially given this calibre of Singaporean aunties. I really ain't surprised that the authorities are taking a serious look at fare-cheating cases.

Imean i really think we should be more than thankful for such a world-class inter-linked transport system that many other countries are envious of. We really shouldn't abuse it and try to cheat the system. I know sometimes we all have the craving to break a law or two and escape being found. But sometimes these culprits with baskets of veg in hand are obviously exploiting the system left,right,center and intend to do so for the rest of their lives . They are either trying to bankrupt the bus company or their conscience.

To all these kanjiong spider aunties, i only have one thing to say to them. In a very Army lingo, we should just give each of these aunites a spider. Apologise to those who dunt und the saying, but i must refrain from expletives lest i face an angry horde of aunties on my next bus trip.

To those of my frenz out there who actually read my blog for another dose of my warped take on everyday events or just for the latest update of my life, i must apologise if my last entry sounded rude or totally out of character.

Well, the last entry wasn't meant for you dear frenz out there but for some prankster youths who have invaded my blog for unsavoury reasons.

But nvm, for those who were actually concerned enough to call (actually only Weeseng!), i thank you for your concern. For those who are just as eager to find out wassup with me, i shall try to explain briefly.

Well you see, for those who know me, you will understand that i still volunteer my services almost weekly for a Movement that i have great passion for, at least for the past ten years. However, in the course of my work, my way of doing things & some of the mistakes i have made along the way have provoked some angsty youth who seem to think that all the problems they faced at their CCA stemmed from me ONLY.

So they have launched a long-lasting hate campaign against me, which has recently culminated in prank phone calls & the unwanted invasion into my blog.

But it's ok, i may not seem a very religious person, but in times of need i always turn to the Lord for advice and help. And there is this one line in the Bible that particularly appeals to me now "Forgive them Father, for they know not what they do". And that is one of the main reason why i am swallowing my pride and letting them hurl whatever they have at me.

I only hope that with the coming of age, they will one day understand my difficult position and why i had to do things in a certain manner in lieu of the fact that i was charged with the development, enrichment & discipline of 30 odd youths at any one time. Hopefully they can one day look back at this angst part of their lives and laugh it off, tpuzzled why they were such angry youths at that time.

I wnet through a similar patch, hating my CCA leaders, some of my peers, some of my teachers, classmates, even my family. But those angsty days are over. I was a hot-blooded teenager then who struggled to grasp with the realities of life and the pressure of the education system. But i have matured over the years and i thank God that i have the chance to return to my beloved secondary school and make amends to former schoolmates, teachers, and even a system that ultimately guaranteed my good future. I hope everyone gets a chance like me to make amends in life. It is hard i know, and i am very blessed to be able to do so, i know.

So yeah friend, if you're worried bout me, dunt worry, the issue has largely been compartmentalised and put away. I have consulted a few of my closest friends on this matter and have already decided on the best course of action; Forgive and Forget, unless the situation worsens.

I'm alright, just slowly walking on and recovering from another painful lesson in life from which i shall seek to grow and mature.

To all those out there who seem to have a grudge with me and find some kind of pleasure in harassing me and invading my privacy, i am sorry to tell you that i am a much stronger character than perhaps all of you combined.

It is my duty also to inform you that if you continue your personal attacks and firebranding online or through any other form of media, in a way that may prove defamatory or threatening to me as an individual, i may be left with no choice but to take serious action.

It will definitely be the last of my choices to have to resort to serious action, but i reserve that course of action, so be warned.

I hope you do think seriously about your future before you continue your acts of folly online that will not bring about a resolution favourable to you. Even if you do not care much about your future, do spare a thought for your parents, your family and your teachers who have so much hope in you and your future.

I hope to keep this internal and once again advise you to resolve your personal unhappiness through more constructive and civilised ways that call for more than prank calls, online rantings and invasion of privacy. I am sure 12 years of high-quality education has taught you more constructive ways of resolving dispute than the ones stated above.

I may have made mistakes and am sorry for them. I hope you have a chance to realise them like i do and be able to do something constructive and personal about it rather than to just spiral down the path of self-destruction like you are now.

I have spoken, and so be warned.

The recipe for a relationship's success is that the two hearts that come together must already be complete by themselves. -Anonymous

Freaky island

Things are really made worse by the FACT that

PRESIDENTIAL SWEARING-IN is shown at the same time as
finals for PROJECT SUPERSTAR

There's like this tiny crowd of supa eleeite creme de la creme peeps gathered to witness the sombre swearing-in, dressed in their Istana-best and officers in smart No.1 Uniforms

as compared to swelling masses gathered at S'pore Indoor Stadium to support the aspiring Superstars, some half-naked to show support, some as mummies, others in primary colours to show support a la NDP.

My gosh, talk about Juxtaposition and contrast.

But i notice the swearing-in doesn't have the LIVE icon, so maybe it isn't. Maybe the eleeite wanna have their dose of Superstar fever also, hmm...notice this is one of the few large-scale 'national' performance event that doesn't have a minister or two to grace the event.

The only reason i hope the kelvin doesn't win is because i know if he does, almost the whole of singapore will bitch about it tonite, tml morning at work, and for weeks and months after, saying he won out of sympathy. typical singaporeans man....and i fear the Singapore Association for the Blind may get vandalised...

man...lianhe wanbao and lianhe zaobao are gonna have a heyday if Kelvin wins...and since EPL hasn't really heated up yet, i guess alot of money are gonna change hands tonite.....

Facets of Singapore

A weird nation where there are many more finalists, much more buzz, supporters, media coverage, scandals for Kelly and Kelvin(2 aspiring superstars), than the election of the President of the Republic of Singapore.

*shudder*

As i sat in my easy chair and switched channels whenever the irritating taufik/Rui-en NDP crap cohesion dance MTV came on, i noticed with interest how little state flags were being draped outside my windows.

at first i thought it were some playful kids who actually quit the computer and consoles to come out and play along the HDB corridors and void decks like i did when i had a childhood

only when i took a look outside did i realise they were put up by some banglas(presumably employed by the CC)

so all these long strings of cute multi-colored triangular state flags with the lion-head crest, all strung up in neat angles and making the HDB blocks look so nice are put up by bangla instead of SIngaporeans (less to say nationalistic ones)

i must also add that i see only one normal-sized white-red state flag outside a window from my block. that shows alot for national fervour i guess.

my whole family was just wondering why the cute flags came to our block this year, after a grand two decades since the block was constructed and we moved in. this is really our first time to recieve the honour of cute lil' triangular flags put up by banglas.

my first guess was its because my block, togeta with 3 other adjacent blocks were the last group convinced by HDB to pay for lifts on every floor. my block being closest to the main road, got the honourable reward for succumbing to the Board's marvellous initiative of providing lifts on every floor.

then i realised the model block that usually gets the flag treatment has gaping holes on every floor as part of the Lift Upgrading Program (they were the first to get them, no wonder model block), so maybe not too nice to drape those traingles over the gaping holes. logical.

so it boiled down to the fact that my block was the only rational choice. good planning on the authorities' part. but it's sad to know how much meticulous and practical planning took place in order for my block to finaly be crowned by those cute lil' things

its also sad to know that national fervour is limited to media-hyped celebrations at Padang and crappy MTVs on the telly, that we dunt put up flags anymore but the job is left up to banglas who probably laugh in their hearts at how their putting up the flags deprecate the value of having them hung up on block facades. what imean is they prob know we should be the ones proudly adorning our block.

its even sadder to know that kids dunt play catching/ police and thief/marbles/hopscotch at void decks or corridors anymore. even playgrounds dunt have swings anymore, no sand for playing and cat-dung to discover. all flooring heavily padded up, even more than the flattest girl's chest, just to protect them from injuries due to falls and such. i learnt about plasma when i had cuts and stuff..i wonder how kids today learn about them...

okie okei so much for all the media-hyped national fervour and the attempts to bring the celebration to the heartland. i hope the all banglas get a day off on national day, i always see them working even on public holidays, now i know part of the reason why. other reasons also include the third-world and post-riot mess singaporeans leave behind after evry major street party or national event. who cleans up? the banglas. even the press has quit sending in teams to capture the mess and chastise singaporeans. it's become part of our bad-traits culture.

if any member of the media is reading this, pls take the MTV off the air, or at least restrict broadcast till 2 days before Aug 9th. meanwhile i would rather have clips of hardworking banglas sweating it out puting up flags or a 30 minute clip on their contributon to our economyin the past 40 years.

Chained shackled
Mired tired

Heckled haggard
jagged laggard

Fallen foreign
Torrent torment

Sunken drunken
Darkened dungeon

I want to break free-Queen

I want to break free
I want to break free,
I want to break free from your lies,
you're so self satisfied, I don't need you
I've got to break free
God knows, god knows I want to break free

I've fallen in love
I've fallen in love for the first time,
and this time I know it's for real
I've fallen in love
God knows, god knows I've fallen in love

It's strange but it's true,
Yeah!
I can't get over the way you love me like you do
But I have to be sure, when I walk out that door
Oh, how I want to be free, baby
Oh, how I want to be free
Oh, how I want to break free

But life still goes on
I can't get used to living without,
living without, living without you, by my side
I don't want to live alone, hey
God knows, got to make it on my own
So baby can't you see?
I've got to break free

I've got to break free
I want to break free
I want, I want, I want, I want to break free

This song is just so beautiful...enthralling...listen to it

Depeche Mode- Somebody

I want somebody to share
share the rest of my life
share my innermost thoughts
know my intimate details
someone who'll stand by my side
and give me support
and in return
she'll get my support
she will listen to me
when I want to speak
about the world we live in
and life in general
though my views may be wrong
they may even be perverted
she'll hear me out
and won't easily be converted
to my way of thinking
in fact she'll often disagree
but at the end of it all
she will understand me

I want somebody who cares
for me passionately
with every thought
and with every breath
someone who'll help me see things
in a different light
all the things I detest
I will almost like
I don't want to be tied
to anyone's strings
I'm carefully trying to stay clear
out of those things
But when I'm asleep
I want somebody
who will put their arms around me
and kiss me tenderly
though things like this make me sick
in a case like this
I'll get away with it

Just two weeks ago i had a strongly-worded confrontation and de-conflict session with my work counterpart in NS. Worst thing is our boss caught us in the heated argument and i expected a tricky time trying to explain the occurence of the confrontation.

However, what really struck me was that our boss let us sort things out at our own time, then he asked one simple question: "So are you guys still friends?"

That question really struck me dumb as i completely didn't expect that to pop from his mouth. Taken at a surfacial and practical pov, i initially thought he was concerned whether we were friends as far as whether our work commitment to him would be affected. But i dismissed that notion almost as fast as it took root in my mind.

Then i was taken aback at such an unexpected and weird question. I thought he would immediately grill me for the rationale for such a 'misdemeanour' in the highest office in the unit.

But no, he was sincerely concerned whether we were still friends, regardless of the tangible, corporate culture of that de-conflict session. All these thoughts raced through my mind within milliseconds,as i snapped myself out of itand answered meekly " Yes Sir, we're still friends".

That answer seemed to satisfy him as he drained his glass and went about his usual work. But that set me thinking real deep. On an afterthought, i felt it was real nice that he asked us such a sincere question of concern. With that one simple question i was touched and also realised that my boss was subtly teaching me a life lesson.

He had shown me that what really mattered at the end of any arhument, was whether the involved parties could still be friends, amd walk out of the argument still friends. Credible results and whether the argument was resolved aside, he showed me that the real important thing that should persist from any argument, was the endearing frienship.

Perhaps i am seeing too much into that simple, single ambiguous question. But what i can meaningfully infer from his unexpectedly unobjective and personal question is that there is much more to life than it seems.

Just like what he says, "workload never ends", let's just try to have fun and enjoy our work in our remaining days in this office. I do treasure and respect the unique relationship forged amongst the 3 of us in this special office, whether professional or personal.

Somewhat i realise we take too much things for granted in life. Perhaps sometimes if we slow down a little in this rat race and take a good look at things and people around us that really matter, we will be able to find more meaning in the seemingly mundane everyday things that subtly teach us invaluable life lessons.