Just two weeks ago i had a strongly-worded confrontation and de-conflict session with my work counterpart in NS. Worst thing is our boss caught us in the heated argument and i expected a tricky time trying to explain the occurence of the confrontation.

However, what really struck me was that our boss let us sort things out at our own time, then he asked one simple question: "So are you guys still friends?"

That question really struck me dumb as i completely didn't expect that to pop from his mouth. Taken at a surfacial and practical pov, i initially thought he was concerned whether we were friends as far as whether our work commitment to him would be affected. But i dismissed that notion almost as fast as it took root in my mind.

Then i was taken aback at such an unexpected and weird question. I thought he would immediately grill me for the rationale for such a 'misdemeanour' in the highest office in the unit.

But no, he was sincerely concerned whether we were still friends, regardless of the tangible, corporate culture of that de-conflict session. All these thoughts raced through my mind within milliseconds,as i snapped myself out of itand answered meekly " Yes Sir, we're still friends".

That answer seemed to satisfy him as he drained his glass and went about his usual work. But that set me thinking real deep. On an afterthought, i felt it was real nice that he asked us such a sincere question of concern. With that one simple question i was touched and also realised that my boss was subtly teaching me a life lesson.

He had shown me that what really mattered at the end of any arhument, was whether the involved parties could still be friends, amd walk out of the argument still friends. Credible results and whether the argument was resolved aside, he showed me that the real important thing that should persist from any argument, was the endearing frienship.

Perhaps i am seeing too much into that simple, single ambiguous question. But what i can meaningfully infer from his unexpectedly unobjective and personal question is that there is much more to life than it seems.

Just like what he says, "workload never ends", let's just try to have fun and enjoy our work in our remaining days in this office. I do treasure and respect the unique relationship forged amongst the 3 of us in this special office, whether professional or personal.

Somewhat i realise we take too much things for granted in life. Perhaps sometimes if we slow down a little in this rat race and take a good look at things and people around us that really matter, we will be able to find more meaning in the seemingly mundane everyday things that subtly teach us invaluable life lessons.

LADY IN RED - SIMPLY RED

I've never seen you looking so lovely as you do tonight
I've never seen you shine so bright
mmm-mmm-mmm

I've never seen so many men ask you if you wanted to dance
looking for a little romance
given half a chance
and I have never seen that dress you're wearing
or the highlights in your hair
they catch your eyes
I have been blinded

Lady in red
is dancing with me (cheek to cheek)
theres nobody here
its just you and me
its where I wanna be
and I hardly know this beauty by my side
I'll never forget the way you look tonight

I've never seen you looking so gorgeous as you did tonight
I've never seen you shine so bright
you were amazing

I've never seen so many people wanna be there by your side
and when you turn to me and smile
it took my breath away

I have never had such a feeling
such a feeling of complete and utter love
as I do tonight

Lady in red
is dancing with me cheek to cheek
theres nobody here
its just you and me
its where I wanna be
and I hardly know this beauty by my side
I'll never forget the way you look tonight
I never will forget the way you look tonight

Lady in red
Lady in red
Lady in red
my lady in red
I love you

Everytime I hear songs like “Time of your life” on the radio, it brings back very sweet and nice memories of JC days for me.

It was one of those songs that were choreographed into HCJC mass dances, thus college dances. So at every major school event like Mid Autumn Festival (MAF), these songs would be played and most of the crowd would gather for the college dances.

Though it was a little like campfire dancing, I was still very much restrained and shy at first. It was not until I was later strongly encouraged to learn the steps, have fun at the same time and just dance and soak in the atmosphere that I really enjoyed it.

Still clearly etched on my mind is one MAF occasion where I seriously did one of the college dances in full. I had never been a very good or natural dancer though I had performed thrice in public as a group. However, I came to enjoy that night when I took that leap of faith.

It seemed as though you had a thousand eyes trained on you, yet the crowd and the music drowned out my fears and anxieties. I figured there were so many people in the crowd I probably wouldn’t be noticed, even If I blundered all the way or stepped on my partner’s toes.

What really mattered to me was my partner’s patient coaching, understanding and willingness to share the dance with me. I was touched, in an inexplicable way. Slowly, gradually, all the people around didn’t seem so real anymore, didn’t really matter anymore. It was just me, my partner, the dance and our sincerity of heart.

A magical time it was, a dance to remember, a night to reminisce about.

I just finished chatting with my counterpart. It was a mighty fine chat really, and he initiated it, pleasantly surprising me. Well, it did help to stave off our rising boredom today, with nothing much going on and so much uncertainty.

Yes, pathetic as it may sound, our work capacity depends a lot on my boss’ decisions, schedules, meetings, etc. Well, we are his personal assistants, two moons around a planet, you cannot expect too much right?

And yeah back to the part about the talk, some interesting exchanges about life in general, regulars and NSF army life, the usual stuff. We are very different personalities and have lived very different lives. Our outlook towards NSF, life in general, people, relationships, quality of life, life goals all seem to differ quite a lot. It is amazing how we can still converse and learn from each other.

Well but I must tell you it takes a lot of strength, perseverance and patience to be able to conduct conversations like that. It’s like I enjoy it and am still amazed by how we can still communicate despite the many obvious differences in opinions about almost everything. Perhaps the only common grounds is that both of us are stuck with this queer job for quite some time and still have time to serve out in NS.

However interesting and enlightening, I feel tired after such a conversation. It leaves me a little more drained. Well I am partly to blame for I am quite a stubborn character and I have a very bad habit of wanting the other party to see my point and at least agree with me in-principle, everytime I say something. Yes I know that is an asshole bad character trait, I get real stubborn and hot-tempered sometimes. I listen less to the other person but more to my inner frustration at being unable to get the other party to agree with me.

Ok ok enough ranting and self-depreciation. I have somewhat checked that bad character trait to a certain extent and am still on the long struggle to overcoming it. What I really wanted to say guess, was that I’m quite tired. By what, I really am not sure. I just feel like having company, whether solo or with a group, out to somewhere nice and quiet at night. I have developed this love for the night, somehow, I dunno why. Just off to somewhere near the River, Boat Quay, Clarke Quay, Esplanade.

I just seem to have fallen in love with the night atmosphere by the river. Maybe just a little bar, a pool bar would be nice, serene, a few good-looking ladies, soothing jazz piped in, drinks, the sea, the breeze, the rustling of waves. Just relax, no real need to talk. But if there were small talk, anything would sound nice. I would really be in the mood for anything. I would be game. Totally relaxed, bring out the real me inside, beneath all that rebel-without-a-cause, rugged, expletive, impulsive skin that drapes around my frame.

I just want to be able to talk about my feelings, emotions or on any other things on my heart, from my heart. Just no-holds-barred, yet assured that the people around me will understand truly and naturally, or at least that they won’t feel offended. Just know when I’m talking cock, when I’m joking, when I’m trying hard to crack a joke, when I am just talking bored listlessly, when I am using my heart to talk, when I am listening with my ear, when I’m crying out loud inside, when I need a shoulder, when I need a soul-mate.

Company that know me, really know me. Dunt need to know the ghouls that haunt me inside which even I myself have much difficulty grasping, but just know. Just sit down beside me, a clink of glass, a blink of eye, an exchange of whispers, a cackle of giggles, a burst of laughter, a silent closure, an understanding of the heart.

I just simply love this speech...."I have a Dream"....you need to treat it like a speech, imagine the fiery orator, the chanting crowds, the sweltering heat of dissatisfaction in the 1960s, the tenous atmosphere, the explosive scene, the reaction of the crowds, my my..you should check out any audio clip of this speech..

Most inspiring

Delivered on the steps at the Lincoln Memorial in Washington D.C. on August 28, 1963. Source: Martin Luther King, Jr: The Peaceful Warrior, Pocket Books, NY 1968

Five score years ago, a great American, in whose symbolic shadow we stand signed the Emancipation Proclamation. This momentous decree came as a great beacon light of hope to millions of Negro slaves who had been seared in the flames of withering injustice. It came as a joyous daybreak to end the long night of captivity. But one hundred years later, we must face the tragic fact that the Negro is still not free.

One hundred years later, the life of the Negro is still sadly crippled by the manacles of segregation and the chains of discrimination. One hundred years later, the Negro lives on a lonely island of poverty in the midst of a vast ocean of material prosperity. One hundred years later, the Negro is still languishing in the corners of American society and finds himself an exile in his own land.

So we have come here today to dramatize an appalling condition. In a sense we have come to our nation's capital to cash a check. When the architects of our republic wrote the magnificent words of the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence, they were signing a promissory note to which every American was to fall heir.

This note was a promise that all men would be guaranteed the inalienable rights of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. It is obvious today that America has defaulted on this promissory note insofar as her citizens of color are concerned. Instead of honoring this sacred obligation, America has given the Negro people a bad check which has come back marked "insufficient funds." But we refuse to believe that the bank of justice is bankrupt. We refuse to believe that there are insufficient funds in the great vaults of opportunity of this nation.

So we have come to cash this check -- a check that will give us upon demand the riches of freedom and the security of justice. We have also come to this hallowed spot to remind America of the fierce urgency of now. This is no time to engage in the luxury of cooling off or to take the tranquilizing drug of gradualism. Now is the time to rise from the dark and desolate valley of segregation to the sunlit path of racial justice. Now is the time to open the doors of opportunity to all of God's children. Now is the time to lift our nation from the quicksands of racial injustice to the solid rock of brotherhood.

It would be fatal for the nation to overlook the urgency of the moment and to underestimate the determination of the Negro. This sweltering summer of the Negro's legitimate discontent will not pass until there is an invigorating autumn of freedom and equality. Nineteen sixty-three is not an end, but a beginning. Those who hope that the Negro needed to blow off steam and will now be content will have a rude awakening if the nation returns to business as usual. There will be neither rest nor tranquility in America until the Negro is granted his citizenship rights.

The whirlwinds of revolt will continue to shake the foundations of our nation until the bright day of justice emerges. But there is something that I must say to my people who stand on the warm threshold which leads into the palace of justice. In the process of gaining our rightful place we must not be guilty of wrongful deeds. Let us not seek to satisfy our thirst for freedom by drinking from the cup of bitterness and hatred.

We must forever conduct our struggle on the high plane of dignity and discipline. we must not allow our creative protest to degenerate into physical violence. Again and again we must rise to the majestic heights of meeting physical force with soul force.

The marvelous new militancy which has engulfed the Negro community must not lead us to distrust of all white people, for many of our white brothers, as evidenced by their presence here today, have come to realize that their destiny is tied up with our destiny and their freedom is inextricably bound to our freedom.

We cannot walk alone. And as we walk, we must make the pledge that we shall march ahead. We cannot turn back. There are those who are asking the devotees of civil rights, "When will you be satisfied?" we can never be satisfied as long as our bodies, heavy with the fatigue of travel, cannot gain lodging in the motels of the highways and the hotels of the cities. We cannot be satisfied as long as the Negro's basic mobility is from a smaller ghetto to a larger one. We can never be satisfied as long as a Negro in Mississippi cannot vote and a Negro in New York believes he has nothing for which to vote. No, no, we are not satisfied, and we will not be satisfied until justice rolls down like waters and righteousness like a mighty stream.

I am not unmindful that some of you have come here out of great trials and tribulations. Some of you have come fresh from narrow cells. Some of you have come from areas where your quest for freedom left you battered by the storms of persecution and staggered by the winds of police brutality. You have been the veterans of creative suffering. Continue to work with the faith that unearned suffering is redemptive.

Go back to Mississippi, go back to Alabama, go back to Georgia, go back to Louisiana, go back to the slums and ghettos of our northern cities, knowing that somehow this situation can and will be changed. Let us not wallow in the valley of despair. I say to you today, my friends, that in spite of the difficulties and frustrations of the moment, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream.

I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal." I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slaveowners will be able to sit down together at a table of brotherhood. I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a desert state, sweltering with the heat of injustice and oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice. I have a dream that my four children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character. I have a dream today.

I have a dream that one day the state of Alabama, whose governor's lips are presently dripping with the words of interposition and nullification, will be transformed into a situation where little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls and walk together as sisters and brothers. I have a dream today. I have a dream that one day every valley shall be exalted, every hill and mountain shall be made low, the rough places will be made plain, and the crooked places will be made straight, and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed, and all flesh shall see it together. This is our hope. This is the faith with which I return to the South. With this faith we will be able to hew out of the mountain of despair a stone of hope. With this faith we will be able to transform the jangling discords of our nation into a beautiful symphony of brotherhood. With this faith we will be able to work together, to pray together, to struggle together, to go to jail together, to stand up for freedom together, knowing that we will be free one day.

This will be the day when all of God's children will be able to sing with a new meaning, "My country, 'tis of thee, sweet land of liberty, of thee I sing. Land where my fathers died, land of the pilgrim's pride, from every mountainside, let freedom ring." And if America is to be a great nation, this must become true. So let freedom ring from the prodigious hilltops of New Hampshire. Let freedom ring from the mighty mountains of New York. Let freedom ring from the heightening Alleghenies of Pennsylvania! Let freedom ring from the snowcapped Rockies of Colorado! Let freedom ring from the curvaceous peaks of California! But not only that; let freedom ring from Stone Mountain of Georgia! Let freedom ring from Lookout Mountain of Tennessee! Let freedom ring from every hill and every molehill of Mississippi. From every mountainside, let freedom ring.

When we let freedom ring, when we let it ring from every village and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God's children, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual, "Free at last! free at last! thank God Almighty, we are free at last!"

I think

It's nice

When you can smile after you cry

When two friends can just swing all day long, needless for words

When two buddies just lay in the sun, soaking in the rolling sunshine,
listening to the rustling waves

When three can sit down for coffee, or roll into warm sheets before a
pillow-fight

When a group sits round, kindling a fire, rubbing their hands, faces with a
red-hued hint of warmth, an inner glow or the fire?

When two old friends stroll through a dim, familiar path, elbows kissing,
hand almost touching, an endless chatter, a walk through golden memory lane

When two lovers embrace tightly, as if for the last time, two become one

When two buddies acknowledge a silent apology, patch up and watch a movie
after arguing

When a group lays down in open nature, urban rats bedazzled by the
overwhelming stars on the opaque canvas, talk about life amidst the flame's
crackle

I think

It's nice

Confessions

The first time i was seriously challenged, it was racist. from a teacher. a Pri school HOD of science. i bit my lip. did not want to press my luck

the first time i bit my lip and went up to a girl, we fell in love deeply for 4 good years

the first time i stood up for self-perceived justice at the sight of perceived injustice to a platonic classmate, it was the first time i stood up to a teacher. (a teacher was still very much a representative model of an establishment i had been taught to respect). i humiliated my teacher, made her cry buckets, realised my folly, apologised and matured to become friends later on

the second time i stood up against a teacher who believed i could only go to a polytechnic, i managed to get into HCJC and took my 'o' results from her reluctant hands. that look on her face is still etched

the third time i stood up to a teacher, it was a grave mistake. this was my scoutmaster who had trusted me so much. i got punished on-the-spot, though amazingly my counterparts and team members followed in my punishment voluntarily, i was deeply touched.

perhaps my friends are right. i can be very stubborn, persistent, adamant, if i believe in something, whether its self-perceived justice or an intangible goal in life

but life has rechecked me. perhaps im overzealous in all the wrong ways possible. perhaps i love somethins, some notion, some person so much i end up hurting that romanticised thing, notion, person.

then thats wrong. though my intentions may be clear, the damage is still done. just like the crusades, or the revolutionary spirit of the Vietcong. They deeply believed in a pure, altruistic notion that they would sacrifice all to attempt to achieve.

Forgive them Lord for they know not what they do

Forgive me Lord, for the hurt i've done to friends around me, knowingly, unknowingly. Forgie me Lord, for the hurt i have done to my sole loved one, help me bury the past in my heart, never to be awoken again.

Jesus

Lead me in your Jesus way

Lead me in your narrow way

...Transceit...

Perhaps i'm actually under alot of hidden stress

But that's still no excuse

I can tell you that generally

My heart and being is very unsettled

By what i'm not sure. Whether it should be

I dunt know for sure

Yes perhaps it's zeal and passion

Perhaps i've taken it to too extremes

I realise now that no matter what zeal and passion i may be

Fueled on, if it hurts my friends and loved ones,

If it dents my relationships somehow

Then i have to balance things out

Most of the time, it wasn't worth it.

I wasn't wise enough,
and am still grappling now

..Transit..

Though we are both guys and it was man-to-man

Though the hurtful words went as fast as they came

I know it has dented our friendship still

Yes it's been very long since we argued like that

Especially when there was no point

When it shouldn't have occured at all

My dear Friend Edwin,

I wanted to say sorry to you but those two syllables

Just choked

In my throat, my heart

I hope

Somehow, through my indirect means, through whatever

Heartfelt sharings i had with you immediately preceding

Has expressed to you my guilt and apology for the outburst

It's strange that i can't ay it to you but i can type it out easily now and share

My sins with the Net-enabled world.

I guess you must be reading this,

Sorry ol' fren.

LOST in transition

I lost it today.

I somehow lost it at Edwin today.

It was very scary, it was inflamed in minutes,
and over even before i could grasp what had posessed me

I just snapped. It was so easy it was scary

I couldn't believe that i had did it again

In so close proximity to the place where i hurt another so

It makes it feel so much worse

In public. For crying out loud

And there i was still trying insistently to prove that i was right

But i'm still left with a nasty temper problem

I thought that part of me was over and
buried in the sins of the past

But no this nasty temper is like a supervirus

which hides like a snivelly rat and grows stronger on

whatever that fights it
whatever that denies it
whatever that defies it

That bullish obnoxious side of me still exists

And rides roughshod over my gentle frame

So God help me

Love can be a one-sided affair, but a (romantic) relationship is and should only be two-way

Only strong love can allow strong hurt, extreme jealousy and even an unending hatred

The heart abhors a vacuum,always scouring for companionship...romantic or not

We tend to forget that our dreams of life have a life of their own...

Hope seems immanent in human nature...

-Catherine Lim

WAR DOES NOT DETERMINE

WHO IS RIGHT

BUT

WHO IS LEFT

Innocence is the first casualty of war.

one of my favourites.....

Footprints in the Sand


One night a man had a dream.

He dreamed he was walking along the beach with the LORD.

Across the sky flashed scenes from his life.

For each scene he noticed two sets of footprints in the sand: one belonging to him, and the other to the LORD.

When the last scene of his life flashed before him,he looked back at the footprints in the sand.

He noticed that many times along the path ofhis life there was only one set of footprints.

He also noticed that it happened at the verylowest and saddest times in his life.

This really bothered him and he questioned the LORD about it:

"LORD, you said that once I decided to follow you, you'd walk with me all the way.But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life,there is only one set of footprints. I don't understand why when I needed you most you would leave me."

The LORD replied:
"My son, my precious child,I love you and I would never leave you.During your times of trial and suffering,when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you."

It has struck.

Again

The leviathan ariseth

Twice in three moons

Though this time a whimper

It's flung us a-scamper

Like mice in a field

We take to our heels

Again

She shows her wrathful nature

Fate's Fickle Finger

Wrong tree to rest on.

How perfect the glass ball gleams, how perfect
The tides they flow, how serene
Their overlapping rings, so impeccably
They echo in reverberation, an everlasting temptation

Feel the sunshine beat, on the Earth all splendour cast on
Earth, its breathing, a new day awaiting
Nature, she's bleeding, the whole world renewing
Planets revolving, all things a-changing

An Owl's hoot beckons the Night
It returns to find its nest aflight'd
This tallest, sturdiest tree it chose had hollowed
With it, the Owl's dreams of home swallowed

It was so free of vermins, it was definitely suspect
Yet the tall, sturdy tree was just so perfect
Four trees it had tested, yet none permanently nested
The Owl's heart had cried out for rest.

Wheelchair-friendly buses

I was surprised by the news the other day, when i read about the import of the pioneer batch of wheelchair-friendly buses into Singapore. These buses came with hydraulic ramps that made it effortless for people on wheelchairs to be lifted from street level onto the buses.

What surprised me was the decision now to test out these buses at all! Well it was a pleasant surprise of course, and i am glad that Singapore is progresing to be on par with other developed countries in this aspect. I knew these buses were available and already proven operational for years in other developed states like Japan and Germany. A few years ago there were also some public outcries about why a developed country like S'pore wouldn't provide such services to ease the burden of the handicapped populace.

Reasons cited then were that of high costs and that the handicapped population being too small in number to justify the disproportionate investment. However, i believe we cannot be too practical on this issue and keep waiting for the size of the handicapped peopulation to be 'substantial'.

This issue cannot be simply reduced to a matter of statistics. We need to weigh in considerations that if we are striving to bring this sector of the population from the fringes of society back to the mainstream, we should display more genuine gestures. By waiting for the number to be 'substantial', we will be sidelining them meanwhile. This is in contrast to our slogans and messages that tell of wanting to "reintegrate them back into mainstream" society. By holding them back on such a basic provision, we are sending the wrong signal that "we want to help, but only if it is financially feasible". what bull. In this way, our actions do not tally with our slogans and verbal intents at all.

Let's stop being hypocrites or mentally-hanicapped. Much more can definitely be done to provide for these less fortunate people. These people who depend on the wheelchair to move about depend on the bus for everyday transport. Hiring a taxi for those who have to go to work everyday is simply not economically viable. If we do encourage employers to give handicapped people employment opportunites and a chance to prove themselves just as capable, we should complete the package by providing the basic service of public transport for them. Public transport in its generic terms seeks to provide mobility for everyone at large, thus it should not be exclusive to just 'able-bodied' people who do not need a wheelchair. SMRT must indeed be praised for its many efforts at making an MRT experience friendly to all sectors of the population, whether it be the blind, disabled or those with babies. The newly-installed elevators, wide-opening entrance/exit gates have indeed helped embrace sections of the popuulation that are sometimes left behind.

Even our less wealthy Northerly neighbour is more developed than our Lion City in this aspect of provision of services to handicapped people. For example, their national televised news has engaged deaf and dumb translators to translate real-time news to allow deaf and dumb viewers to enjoy news just like everyone elsi. For a long time i have aslo wondered why Singapore hasn't done this. Probably the same reasons have held back the authorities. Well if we can afford to experiment with 2 television comapnies to provide alternative and more varied programmes for vieweres here, we can jolly well afford to hire translators at least for our news programmes for sure.