..Transit..

Though we are both guys and it was man-to-man

Though the hurtful words went as fast as they came

I know it has dented our friendship still

Yes it's been very long since we argued like that

Especially when there was no point

When it shouldn't have occured at all

My dear Friend Edwin,

I wanted to say sorry to you but those two syllables

Just choked

In my throat, my heart

I hope

Somehow, through my indirect means, through whatever

Heartfelt sharings i had with you immediately preceding

Has expressed to you my guilt and apology for the outburst

It's strange that i can't ay it to you but i can type it out easily now and share

My sins with the Net-enabled world.

I guess you must be reading this,

Sorry ol' fren.

LOST in transition

I lost it today.

I somehow lost it at Edwin today.

It was very scary, it was inflamed in minutes,
and over even before i could grasp what had posessed me

I just snapped. It was so easy it was scary

I couldn't believe that i had did it again

In so close proximity to the place where i hurt another so

It makes it feel so much worse

In public. For crying out loud

And there i was still trying insistently to prove that i was right

But i'm still left with a nasty temper problem

I thought that part of me was over and
buried in the sins of the past

But no this nasty temper is like a supervirus

which hides like a snivelly rat and grows stronger on

whatever that fights it
whatever that denies it
whatever that defies it

That bullish obnoxious side of me still exists

And rides roughshod over my gentle frame

So God help me

Love can be a one-sided affair, but a (romantic) relationship is and should only be two-way

Only strong love can allow strong hurt, extreme jealousy and even an unending hatred

The heart abhors a vacuum,always scouring for companionship...romantic or not

We tend to forget that our dreams of life have a life of their own...

Hope seems immanent in human nature...

-Catherine Lim

WAR DOES NOT DETERMINE

WHO IS RIGHT

BUT

WHO IS LEFT

Innocence is the first casualty of war.

one of my favourites.....

Footprints in the Sand


One night a man had a dream.

He dreamed he was walking along the beach with the LORD.

Across the sky flashed scenes from his life.

For each scene he noticed two sets of footprints in the sand: one belonging to him, and the other to the LORD.

When the last scene of his life flashed before him,he looked back at the footprints in the sand.

He noticed that many times along the path ofhis life there was only one set of footprints.

He also noticed that it happened at the verylowest and saddest times in his life.

This really bothered him and he questioned the LORD about it:

"LORD, you said that once I decided to follow you, you'd walk with me all the way.But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life,there is only one set of footprints. I don't understand why when I needed you most you would leave me."

The LORD replied:
"My son, my precious child,I love you and I would never leave you.During your times of trial and suffering,when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you."

It has struck.

Again

The leviathan ariseth

Twice in three moons

Though this time a whimper

It's flung us a-scamper

Like mice in a field

We take to our heels

Again

She shows her wrathful nature

Fate's Fickle Finger

Wrong tree to rest on.

How perfect the glass ball gleams, how perfect
The tides they flow, how serene
Their overlapping rings, so impeccably
They echo in reverberation, an everlasting temptation

Feel the sunshine beat, on the Earth all splendour cast on
Earth, its breathing, a new day awaiting
Nature, she's bleeding, the whole world renewing
Planets revolving, all things a-changing

An Owl's hoot beckons the Night
It returns to find its nest aflight'd
This tallest, sturdiest tree it chose had hollowed
With it, the Owl's dreams of home swallowed

It was so free of vermins, it was definitely suspect
Yet the tall, sturdy tree was just so perfect
Four trees it had tested, yet none permanently nested
The Owl's heart had cried out for rest.

Wheelchair-friendly buses

I was surprised by the news the other day, when i read about the import of the pioneer batch of wheelchair-friendly buses into Singapore. These buses came with hydraulic ramps that made it effortless for people on wheelchairs to be lifted from street level onto the buses.

What surprised me was the decision now to test out these buses at all! Well it was a pleasant surprise of course, and i am glad that Singapore is progresing to be on par with other developed countries in this aspect. I knew these buses were available and already proven operational for years in other developed states like Japan and Germany. A few years ago there were also some public outcries about why a developed country like S'pore wouldn't provide such services to ease the burden of the handicapped populace.

Reasons cited then were that of high costs and that the handicapped population being too small in number to justify the disproportionate investment. However, i believe we cannot be too practical on this issue and keep waiting for the size of the handicapped peopulation to be 'substantial'.

This issue cannot be simply reduced to a matter of statistics. We need to weigh in considerations that if we are striving to bring this sector of the population from the fringes of society back to the mainstream, we should display more genuine gestures. By waiting for the number to be 'substantial', we will be sidelining them meanwhile. This is in contrast to our slogans and messages that tell of wanting to "reintegrate them back into mainstream" society. By holding them back on such a basic provision, we are sending the wrong signal that "we want to help, but only if it is financially feasible". what bull. In this way, our actions do not tally with our slogans and verbal intents at all.

Let's stop being hypocrites or mentally-hanicapped. Much more can definitely be done to provide for these less fortunate people. These people who depend on the wheelchair to move about depend on the bus for everyday transport. Hiring a taxi for those who have to go to work everyday is simply not economically viable. If we do encourage employers to give handicapped people employment opportunites and a chance to prove themselves just as capable, we should complete the package by providing the basic service of public transport for them. Public transport in its generic terms seeks to provide mobility for everyone at large, thus it should not be exclusive to just 'able-bodied' people who do not need a wheelchair. SMRT must indeed be praised for its many efforts at making an MRT experience friendly to all sectors of the population, whether it be the blind, disabled or those with babies. The newly-installed elevators, wide-opening entrance/exit gates have indeed helped embrace sections of the popuulation that are sometimes left behind.

Even our less wealthy Northerly neighbour is more developed than our Lion City in this aspect of provision of services to handicapped people. For example, their national televised news has engaged deaf and dumb translators to translate real-time news to allow deaf and dumb viewers to enjoy news just like everyone elsi. For a long time i have aslo wondered why Singapore hasn't done this. Probably the same reasons have held back the authorities. Well if we can afford to experiment with 2 television comapnies to provide alternative and more varied programmes for vieweres here, we can jolly well afford to hire translators at least for our news programmes for sure.

I just watched a little-known(in S'pore) movie, . I can tell you, it's fantastic, watch it, no regrets. Leave the ranks of ignorant S'poreans who simply flock to blockbusters or silly slapstick/thrill like Seed of Chucky(ok iwatched it but i damn regretted it). Trust me, isn't just another art film or documentary about a dusty piece of history.

When the credits flashed, no one really moved from their seats...there was kinda tension in the air...it was so silent...luckily the sombre music came on after a breathtaking min or so...kinda like signalled that oh yes that was just another movie, come back to reality and peaceful s'pore pls ladies and gentlemen...the cleaner was like signalling the control room to flood the place with lights cos she wanted to send us the big signal that we shld leave n let her do her job and end her night shift. Hew frowning face and intimidating size was quite a put-off realie. But nonetheless i dashed out of the cinema. I needed to cool off, i was stunned, amazed, angry, pertubed almost all at the same time. Such a rush of emotions pumping thru my veins and flooding my whole system..i havent been like that since last month when my dad got hurt at the factory and the time before tha was about a year ago when i was still in love...man....how could a simple movie had done that to me..

I was shattered to pieces...my belief(wateva left after i studied the UN at JC) in the global institutions that upheld peace and goodwill...in the belief that man is by nature good..that a benevolent god exists...man even my religion was rocked....my gosh...all those crystal beliefs were so vulnerable actually. simply threw up so many questions at me, in-the-face...I was spiritually stripped and humbled when those images of the suffering refugees flashed time and again on the screen, the helplessness portrayed by the director...so raw, so real..yet the world stood by and watched such a massacre from their couches and fireplaces, sipping down coffee and switching channels...

One quote from the movie realie caught me, it went sumting like "I think when the world(western mostly) watches this(genocide) on tv, they will just say Oh! and continue eating their dinner". Now that really struck me...wat a simple yet succint way of sending the message that the whole world simply ignored Rwanda in 1994...they simply ignored, abandoned it to the fires of hell...

What made me feel worse about the whole incident was that i was so damn ignorant about the whole Rwandan genocide! To think i go around proclaiming to be a history buff and that i studied History at 'A' level...now i'm just thinking, so what....i simply studied whatever limited history text needed for the myopic exam and satisfied some brit markers..ok yes i did have to use SOME analytical skills and argumentative stuff but look....i walked into that cinema as blur as any kid who didn't touch history at all...yeah i did briefly skip thru some notes on the 1994 Rwandan massacre, but that was all that registered...a massacre, one word. no picture, no horror, no emotions. my curriculum was from WW2 till 1991, thus didnt qte cover 1994. dunt misconstrue my words, i think my alma mater did an excellent job in giving me an enriching and out-of-textbook education esp in the studies of history and beautiful literature. but to say i'm educated in modern world history yet i'm SO glaringly ignorant of the enormity and monstrosity of Rwanda 1994 is such a joke! Yeah such a cruel joke indeed...

So i was humbled...brought back to reality....start learning more please!! so yes i'm starting research into Rwanda 1994...i can't just keep clinging to Nam' and bits of WW2 just b'cos they're my fav hist events....yes indeed i will broaden my scope of knowledge and prevent myself from such a situation again..such a fool i am..

And just before the credits rolled...there was a short mention of where the protagonist hero went to after Rwanda 1994, and also the war-crime sentencing of the instigator of the Rwanda 1994 genocide. There were but 3 lines outlining how that guy was sentenced in 2002, then poof it went to credits...I was like waiting eagerly for some kind of good poetic justice to be dealt out...but history and reality stands as cruel as it is....some semblance of justice cld only be executed 8 whole years after the Rwanda 1994 genocide, my gosh...so that's how the int'l justice system works...so shall the light of day be always one pace behind darkness where evil is afoot? I dunno...at tis pt in time my spirit is vacated...i suddenly dunt know wat to trust in...hope it's temporary...itink i ned a few days to consolidate my thoughts...thank goodness there's this blog to temporarily expiate my frustrations and anger

Dunt write off this movie as just another take of Schindler's List in a different context, this movie with its relatively unknown cast yet superb directoring and a true, hard story is definitely heartwarming and will hopefully strike some consciences and make a change somewhere in the int'l institutions..it is definitely worth much more than your buck and time...
Btw i will oso like to explain that my near-perfect grammar observed here(which would be more likely from a disturbed and angry blogger) is but a relfection of the fact that i took 2 hours plus to do some initial consolidation and restrain my self from just lambasting on the net aimlessly...the stress on diction and grammar only t shows the deliberation i had to go thru to pen all these...so dunt be mistaken..!

Signing off,

A morose John

Dear all,

it hasnt been a very happy new year after all...instead, here in this part of the world, we're like overwhelmed by a tide of sorrow..okay forgive the puns....

This has been such a disaster, of which the magnitude i am only beginning to grasp as the days go by and the debris left by the watery carnage recedes....it first came only as a panicky sms from Joanna who was telling me how lucky she was to have escaped death by avoiding an 'earthquake' in Phuket where she was supposed tio go on a school-organised trip. and it was exactly 26th that she was suposed to go....

Yeah rite, the 'earthquake' wasnt in thailand but it dont matter cos it didnt really kill, yet the aqua serpents it unleadhed on developing Asia was like Judgement Day man...Hell it was like the 3rd flooding of the Earth...The Indos were so very prepared against x'mas church bombings yet(as harris surmises), Nature wanted to show that she was still in control and that she shld still be most-feared-of-all... I dunno bout that....i only hope The Indos give war-torn Aceh some peace now that most of its war survivors have been decimated. What was once a 'restive province' is now an unwilling place of rest for many unknowns...whose existence just drifted away lidat..jus down the drain...okay i dunno y i'm using all these aqua images but i cant seem to help it...

And oh yes....i actually almost volunteered to be part of the relief force(NSF have to volunteer, can't just take orders and sail cos tis not trng.tis is like realie for real!!!) ANd so yeah..we were given quite little time to think thru but a part of me was just crying out, wanting to help..if i cldnt contribute much in cash, maybe i could actually ut my engineer skills to good use and participate in this relief work...it had always been a crazy wish of mine to participate as a peacekeeper during my NSF life tho inoe it isnt realie possible n tis was like the golden chance!

Yet alot of me held back oso...i had to be responsible not just to myself but to my family and loved ones...volunteering for thailand was already gracious enough from my boss and family..should i push the envelope stilll...and woth my father injured and recovering now...i dunt tink i shld burden my family more..so i held back my hand

Yup i have decided and that's that. but i'm not gonna watch the crisis on the telly from my couch...i'm gonna put full steam into the fund-raising effort i urged my scout troop to organise..to see these boys put their creativity and sweat it out for a well-deserved cause would be great! and dunt tink that we actually acted upon MOE's prompt...nope e project was initiated right after the disaster, before all the pomp and convention about principals encouraging their charge to help raise funds...blah blah blah...Yeah its gonna be a diff kinda challenge for me and my troop at home, in the comfort and security of home. Nevertheless, rest assured our hearts go out to all the afflicted out there...

God Bless and save your people.

A morose John

It was only until these last two days that have passed that a nagging part of me has finally been exorcised; I'm really glad i'm not an officer, but a specialist in this army indeed. Previously i used to question myself repeatedly, scrutinise the two vocations' benefits meticulously and lament on the inequalities ALOT with my fellow trainee specs but NOW i'm truly glad and relieved i'm not one of THEM.

I mean our thinking and doctrine are so very diff, prob bcos of the training methodology we were exposed to. Specs are like so on -the- job, unoe "a little less coversation a little more action please" while occifers r somehow much more concerned with ardous, meticulous planning over EVERYTHING.

So it has been quite a frustrating week i must say and what's coming up is even more challenging in MANY ways, we'll c how tings go....

Specialists
With Pride We Lead

Kite flying

I came upon a colourful kite
a spritely kite it was that jumped
almost as if it had a life of its own

I wanted to fly this kite
this mischievious boy i was
yet it was a heavy kite indeed
so i was told

With a mighty thrust i threw it at the gods
how hard could it be to fly a kite
it only has to catch a draught

Yet they were cruel and not a leaf moved that day
i kept thrusting, almost pleading

Sure enough i heard the reel moving in my hands
it had caught on to a draft, yet another, flung further, soared higher, speedy gonzalez, wowee!

My pride was in the air, almost heard faint applause from the gathered crowd
how could such a scrawny boy launch such a mighty and glorious kite they murmured
There i was beaming, my shield in the heavens, a giant umbrella, a golden beacon

I held firm onto the reel which was still galloping wildly in my palms, titillating...
My kite was very high, very far by now, a speck in the horizon..no i was losing it...
No i could feel its tension still, it was still in my control, my string muzzling the beast

Suddenly a serpent fell from the sky, hissing at the crowds throughout its descent...mocking
it was a long black serpent, its scaly exterior shining in the sun
i held on to the reel still, though it felt light
it didn't feel right, just too light
...Mighty flighty kite...

I couldn't keep up the act anymore
Soon the crowd will notice
Swiftly i sneaked out of the mob
Like crazy fire ants they were hot on my pursuit
I dashed into the woods

The whispering trees that surrounded me
seemed like it was another realm
i hobbled feebly towards a lake
a calm, tranquil body that awaits the thirsty deer

I dipped my blistered palms in for a sip
the ripples disturbed some moving things
these diamond figures were fighting
Entangling, disentangling, touching, playing?
Finally in blessed union, they wandered slowly away

A fog started to form, shrouding all the forest
and i lay there amidst the smooth rocks
contemplating, comprehending
The sweet liquid flowed through the gaps in my palm ever so quickly
i could never capture them

This has been a short and sweet week, with my unit celebrating its 37th bdae, one whole dae of games followed by a free movie in town, shiok lah, in a true s'porean kiam4 peng3 fashion! i just lurrrrvv it here man, tough training it is yes but welfare and comfortable bunk in return...done deal!

Caught e newest Jackie Chan flick New Police Story, which proved to be fantastic in many ways really. Firstly it did not overemphasise on the tangy love story like some action flicks do somehow. Secondly it strays from being purely an action flick akin to Jackie's previous works, portaying Jackie as an actor who really had matured from being a cool stuntman to being one with more emotion and character depth...okie maybe he not that seasoned yet but i do admire him for trying out such a radical move at this age, for such a controversial dive into less stuntman roles may have proved disastrous.

But no, it has broken Hong Kong blockbusters and has pushed off Terminal from S'pore's top movie(well at least till Resident evil opens tonite i guess). Jackie also fought amazingly clumsily in the first half of the show, in order to fit the broken policeman role he played, then later fought off those punks effortlessly once he knew the great failure wasn't his fault n upon the death of his beloved...does show how cinematography can do wonders about a person's capabilities on0screen eh?

And also of course the witty and seamless twists in the movie, conveyed well by superb cinematography that got the crowd cheering topping the simple reverse storytelling style, this is THE MOVIE to watch this month man!

AhA,
significant dae to suddenly publish a blog again, after a what, 6 month hiatus???? that's crazy, some may sae, in todae's hi-tec, wi-fi, neterrifying world of cyberspeed.

yup 6 mths have just zipped by lidat...lotsa significant tings have happened, a BIG pity i havent had time to jot em down. perhaps a blog is realie the most convenient way to pen it down like a diary; it's been extremely hard dor me to craft both drifting emotions and fiery feelings into so-called poems...that partly explains the hiatus.

Yes yes, todae is 3rd anniversary of that much-publicised terrorist kawabunga that shook the ol' cowboy up. All i realie hope for is that nothing much of copycat incidents or other terror acts will occur all around the world todae...especially now with my dear brother in UPenn and beloved teacher Mr Lim in New York!

Well it may sound childish that i still prayed for world peace yesternite on my bed in the bunk, yet i almost never fail to do it on nites when a terror incident is fresh on my mind....what with the recent bombing of Aussie embassy in Jakarta....hiyaz. Sometimes i dunt mind being childish n retreatring to my own small little world and space, take a step back in life n try to look at tings simply, thru the eyes of a child....

okie enaf, the sardonic, melancholic n sadistic john didnt like get possessed or anything....just feel an urge to express this softer side that sometimes props up...yet revealed to few...

Robert Frost: The Man and His Work - 1923

"Sometimes I have my doubts of words altogether, and I ask myself what is the place of them. They are worse than nothing unless they do something; unless they amount to deeds, as in ultimatums or battle-cries. They must be flat and final like the show-down in poker, from which there is no appeal.

My definition of poetry (if I were forced to give one) would be this: words that become deeds."

"All poetry is a reproduction of the tones of actual speech."

"There are two types of relists: the one who offers a good deal of dirt with his potato to show that it is a real one, and the one who is satisfied with the potato brushed clean. I'm inclined to be the second kind. To me, the thing that art does for life is to clean it, to strip it to form"

"A poem begins with a lump in the throat; a home-sickness or a love-sickness. It is a reaching-out toward expression; an effort to find fulfillment.

A complete poem is one where an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found the words."

We have taller buildings, but shorter tempers; wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints; we spend more, but have less; we buy more, but enjoy it less

We have bigger houses and smaller families; more conveniences, but less time; we have more degrees, but less common sense; more knowledge, but less judgement; more experts, but more problems; more medicine, but less wellness

We spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get angry too quickly, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too seldom, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom

We have multiplied our possesions, but reduced our values

We talk too much, listen so too seldom, love too little and lie too often

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life; we've added more years to life, not life to years

We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but have less communication; we've become long on quantity, but short on quality

We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet the new neighbour

We've conquered outer space, but not inner space; we've done larger things, but not better things; we've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul; we've split the atom, but not our prejudice; we write more, but learn less; plan more, but accomplish less

We've learned to rush, but not to wait; we have higher incomes; but lower morals; more food but less appeasement; more acquaintances, but fewer friends; more effort but less success

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion; tall men and short character; steep profits, and shallow relationships

These are the times of world peace, but domestic warfare; more leisure and less fun;more kinds of food, but less nutrition. these are days of two incomes, but more divorce; of fancier houses, but broken homes

These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one-night stands, oveerweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill

It is a time when there is much in the shop window, and nothing in the stockroom

Indeed it's all true. think about it. read it again.

-written by anonymous