I just watched a little-known(in S'pore) movie, . I can tell you, it's fantastic, watch it, no regrets. Leave the ranks of ignorant S'poreans who simply flock to blockbusters or silly slapstick/thrill like Seed of Chucky(ok iwatched it but i damn regretted it). Trust me, isn't just another art film or documentary about a dusty piece of history.

When the credits flashed, no one really moved from their seats...there was kinda tension in the air...it was so silent...luckily the sombre music came on after a breathtaking min or so...kinda like signalled that oh yes that was just another movie, come back to reality and peaceful s'pore pls ladies and gentlemen...the cleaner was like signalling the control room to flood the place with lights cos she wanted to send us the big signal that we shld leave n let her do her job and end her night shift. Hew frowning face and intimidating size was quite a put-off realie. But nonetheless i dashed out of the cinema. I needed to cool off, i was stunned, amazed, angry, pertubed almost all at the same time. Such a rush of emotions pumping thru my veins and flooding my whole system..i havent been like that since last month when my dad got hurt at the factory and the time before tha was about a year ago when i was still in love...man....how could a simple movie had done that to me..

I was shattered to pieces...my belief(wateva left after i studied the UN at JC) in the global institutions that upheld peace and goodwill...in the belief that man is by nature good..that a benevolent god exists...man even my religion was rocked....my gosh...all those crystal beliefs were so vulnerable actually. simply threw up so many questions at me, in-the-face...I was spiritually stripped and humbled when those images of the suffering refugees flashed time and again on the screen, the helplessness portrayed by the director...so raw, so real..yet the world stood by and watched such a massacre from their couches and fireplaces, sipping down coffee and switching channels...

One quote from the movie realie caught me, it went sumting like "I think when the world(western mostly) watches this(genocide) on tv, they will just say Oh! and continue eating their dinner". Now that really struck me...wat a simple yet succint way of sending the message that the whole world simply ignored Rwanda in 1994...they simply ignored, abandoned it to the fires of hell...

What made me feel worse about the whole incident was that i was so damn ignorant about the whole Rwandan genocide! To think i go around proclaiming to be a history buff and that i studied History at 'A' level...now i'm just thinking, so what....i simply studied whatever limited history text needed for the myopic exam and satisfied some brit markers..ok yes i did have to use SOME analytical skills and argumentative stuff but look....i walked into that cinema as blur as any kid who didn't touch history at all...yeah i did briefly skip thru some notes on the 1994 Rwandan massacre, but that was all that registered...a massacre, one word. no picture, no horror, no emotions. my curriculum was from WW2 till 1991, thus didnt qte cover 1994. dunt misconstrue my words, i think my alma mater did an excellent job in giving me an enriching and out-of-textbook education esp in the studies of history and beautiful literature. but to say i'm educated in modern world history yet i'm SO glaringly ignorant of the enormity and monstrosity of Rwanda 1994 is such a joke! Yeah such a cruel joke indeed...

So i was humbled...brought back to reality....start learning more please!! so yes i'm starting research into Rwanda 1994...i can't just keep clinging to Nam' and bits of WW2 just b'cos they're my fav hist events....yes indeed i will broaden my scope of knowledge and prevent myself from such a situation again..such a fool i am..

And just before the credits rolled...there was a short mention of where the protagonist hero went to after Rwanda 1994, and also the war-crime sentencing of the instigator of the Rwanda 1994 genocide. There were but 3 lines outlining how that guy was sentenced in 2002, then poof it went to credits...I was like waiting eagerly for some kind of good poetic justice to be dealt out...but history and reality stands as cruel as it is....some semblance of justice cld only be executed 8 whole years after the Rwanda 1994 genocide, my gosh...so that's how the int'l justice system works...so shall the light of day be always one pace behind darkness where evil is afoot? I dunno...at tis pt in time my spirit is vacated...i suddenly dunt know wat to trust in...hope it's temporary...itink i ned a few days to consolidate my thoughts...thank goodness there's this blog to temporarily expiate my frustrations and anger

Dunt write off this movie as just another take of Schindler's List in a different context, this movie with its relatively unknown cast yet superb directoring and a true, hard story is definitely heartwarming and will hopefully strike some consciences and make a change somewhere in the int'l institutions..it is definitely worth much more than your buck and time...
Btw i will oso like to explain that my near-perfect grammar observed here(which would be more likely from a disturbed and angry blogger) is but a relfection of the fact that i took 2 hours plus to do some initial consolidation and restrain my self from just lambasting on the net aimlessly...the stress on diction and grammar only t shows the deliberation i had to go thru to pen all these...so dunt be mistaken..!

Signing off,

A morose John

Dear all,

it hasnt been a very happy new year after all...instead, here in this part of the world, we're like overwhelmed by a tide of sorrow..okay forgive the puns....

This has been such a disaster, of which the magnitude i am only beginning to grasp as the days go by and the debris left by the watery carnage recedes....it first came only as a panicky sms from Joanna who was telling me how lucky she was to have escaped death by avoiding an 'earthquake' in Phuket where she was supposed tio go on a school-organised trip. and it was exactly 26th that she was suposed to go....

Yeah rite, the 'earthquake' wasnt in thailand but it dont matter cos it didnt really kill, yet the aqua serpents it unleadhed on developing Asia was like Judgement Day man...Hell it was like the 3rd flooding of the Earth...The Indos were so very prepared against x'mas church bombings yet(as harris surmises), Nature wanted to show that she was still in control and that she shld still be most-feared-of-all... I dunno bout that....i only hope The Indos give war-torn Aceh some peace now that most of its war survivors have been decimated. What was once a 'restive province' is now an unwilling place of rest for many unknowns...whose existence just drifted away lidat..jus down the drain...okay i dunno y i'm using all these aqua images but i cant seem to help it...

And oh yes....i actually almost volunteered to be part of the relief force(NSF have to volunteer, can't just take orders and sail cos tis not trng.tis is like realie for real!!!) ANd so yeah..we were given quite little time to think thru but a part of me was just crying out, wanting to help..if i cldnt contribute much in cash, maybe i could actually ut my engineer skills to good use and participate in this relief work...it had always been a crazy wish of mine to participate as a peacekeeper during my NSF life tho inoe it isnt realie possible n tis was like the golden chance!

Yet alot of me held back oso...i had to be responsible not just to myself but to my family and loved ones...volunteering for thailand was already gracious enough from my boss and family..should i push the envelope stilll...and woth my father injured and recovering now...i dunt tink i shld burden my family more..so i held back my hand

Yup i have decided and that's that. but i'm not gonna watch the crisis on the telly from my couch...i'm gonna put full steam into the fund-raising effort i urged my scout troop to organise..to see these boys put their creativity and sweat it out for a well-deserved cause would be great! and dunt tink that we actually acted upon MOE's prompt...nope e project was initiated right after the disaster, before all the pomp and convention about principals encouraging their charge to help raise funds...blah blah blah...Yeah its gonna be a diff kinda challenge for me and my troop at home, in the comfort and security of home. Nevertheless, rest assured our hearts go out to all the afflicted out there...

God Bless and save your people.

A morose John